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Re: Partlycloudy Clearskies

Posted by alexandra_k on September 17, 2018, at 4:07:54

In reply to Re: Partlycloudy alexandra_k, posted by Clearskies on September 16, 2018, at 20:51:05

> I admire you for getting the work in on time and complete.

It does mean something. I thought they would say that / see it that way, but my supervisor... Denial. That was one of the stages of grief.

Yep. Keep me weak and powerless. Dependent on them.

I see.

I do see, now.

How the people around me have been happiest when I've been at my lowest. When I've been most... Unable to figure what to do.

When I'm 'paranoid' or I'm 'too stressed' or I'm 'depressed' or I'm wondering why I needed to have been born at all, things are too painful / too much for me.

That's when they get to look after me. If they want. If they feel like it. Or not. As they see fit. You know.

Like a little pet on their schedule.

It felt like it was mine... But I was never in the position to help them. And they never needed to ask for help from me, anyway.

My 'friend' with 2 rental properties. Who lets me stay in one for a couple months... Mostly just so she could kick out the previous tenants and move in some paying heaps more... To show me she had the power to do that, I guess. When she knew what I needed was my own space. Just a little test of that time to see whether I was right. Yep. I was right. Then it is time for me to lose that space.

Anyway... Whatever.

Thanks. You are the only person who has said that. If I tell people... Well... I think people much prefer to hear that it's rubbish. People seem determined to jump to that and proclaim it *even when they haven't bothered to read it*.

A professional person to talk to occasionally. To help show me how. That was what I needed. And when it seemed that I was getting that other people always would stick their oar in and mess that up for me. E.g., when I did find a clinician who I clicked with (largely for their ability to be professional. And also for their ability to... Not feel that they had to jump in with advice etc when they really didn't know. A little... Space to let me see. A little questioning the things that didn't quite sit right. Sometimes suggestions... But not insistance I see things their way...

It should't be too much to ask.

> (I was finding my health complaint was getting much worse when stressed. I was in a pickle.)

If mine hadn't gone away I would have had to have done something. Sigh. Moved to Australia, most probably. Hahaha. I'm sure you will feel better once it's dealt to. (((pc))) thank you for being here, for me.

 

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poster:alexandra_k thread:1100843
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20180816/msgs/1100923.html