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Re: My T. is Too Important To Me Dinah

Posted by 10derHeart on September 21, 2005, at 15:30:34

In reply to Re: My T. is Too Important To Me 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on September 20, 2005, at 19:26:25

> Only eleven years? :-O

:-) I know, I was thinking of you when I wrote about that. Actually, the day he said it was nice, I remember. Not the exact context (therapy amnesia, you know), but I was yet another discussion about my fear of him disappearing, growing to hate or be bored with me, thinking I was too clingy...blah, blah...when he just said, "well, you have eleven years. I promised my family I'd retire then." Nice, because I know I was distressed and thinking somehow he was keeping track of how long I'd been coming, and that it was too long but he was too nice to say so....uhhh..apparently not.

> I'm only half joking. With what's going on with me right now, I sort of think it is possible to get too attached to a therapist. I want to move except for him. I'm driving four hours and spending $45 in gas to see him, even though he sort of deserted me by living so far away.

You know, I can see why, with your history and the present mess. I really can. I can imagine me doing the same. We make choices, and others may not get it, but for us they may work.
> Yet...
> It is nice that he seems as committed as I am to keeping the relationship going. It is nice that he at least for a minute believed that the relationship was as important to him as it was to me. It was nice (?!!!) that when he told me that he was taking a four week assignment that he simultaneously tried to make sure he had my attention to see that I heard that he was still able to see me once a week, and we could have double sessions that once, and phone sessions or email sessions. And that he put his arm around me and held tight as I had strong hysterics.

This was nice. Great, in fact. I'm sorry you were in such a state - it must have felt like h*ll, even when you were safe with him :-( I know sitting by you and putting an arm around you is not a routine part of your sessions. I think it was so the human, right, loving thing to do. I'm sure he cares about you, and for you, more than you really will ever quite know.

> I don't know. Maybe those are all good reasons why it is possible for a therapist to be too important to us. But it doesn't really feel that way. Ok, it does, but that's not all it feels.
> That's as clear as mud, isn't it?

Actually, it's plenty clear enough. Especially when you say that's not all it feels. Smetimes we forget all the parts, focusing in on only one facet during stress or crisis. It's like...a narrow view through one window into a house (or a complex relationship) is never enough. Only if we start peering through all the windows, and looking into the doors, down the chimney, on the roof, and in the basement, then maybe we see all the levels, the features, the spaces, the strong and weak points that make it *our* house, that we love and are comfortable in. Your T. is that for you, I think. Gosh....wonder if that metaphor popped out from you writing about both the uncertain condition of you actual house, and his home purchase...? I didn't plan that...{shivers}
> (I've never seen you make a pointless post. And this one in particular has a lot of importance.)

Thanks, Dinah. You and Tamar are conspiring together to make me feel my posts aren't as empty and superficial as they seem to me. ('s starting to work, your conspiracy)

It probaby does. I'm thinking a lot about - why now? Why did I say this just now when I've thought this way for a while...?




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