Posted by 10derHeart on September 21, 2005, at 12:48:53
In reply to Re: My T. is Too Important To Me » 10derHeart, posted by Tamar on September 20, 2005, at 18:43:32
> Or… perhaps your feelings are entirely appropriate for your stage of therapy and in view of whatever you’re working on together.
You're likely completely right. I seem to have these intternal measures and time standards,though....like 10 months should be long enough for....what? Something. To see more progress? To be attached, but not *too* attached?
To be finally translating some of the relationship skills from the therapy roo to others? I do - but only a tiny, little bit, and I'm impatient...>
> Vacations are no fun (for us clients, anyway). Even if it’s only an extra two days, that’s still longer than you’re used to going without him.True. I just realized I emailed him exactly on the 6th day. Internal therapy clock?
> Well, if you’ve been seeing him only ten months and you still have plenty of work to do, is there any need to imagine stopping therapy? It sounds as if you’re not ready to think about that yet.
No. I guess....I'm trying to find some magic way to lessen what I imagine will be the future pain by integrating the topic into sessions sometimes now....get accustomed to it....? But that may be a bad idea. Very distracting from the here and now, I suppose. Maybe I'll ask him this question.
> I think the closeness of the relationship is part of the deal. And it’s great that you’re trying hard and that you’re less isolated. But maybe at this stage it’s important to you to feel that your relationship with him is the most important relationship in your life. It’s not unusual (I know I’ve been there!). I’m sure it’s giving you something you need at the moment.Could be - thanks for laying it out so clearly. Wonder why I can't accept that it might be fine right now? That internal clock again...tick-tock, it's taking too long, not growing, not changing on the "right" schedule....should, should, should.
> Well, perhaps he’s not concerned because it’s completely normal. I imagine it’s a good thing in some ways: it probably means that you’re committed to the process of therapy and that you’re working hard on some very important issues.
I am very committed. There's no doubt there. Funny how being that way - which is essential - is also the very state in which I'm the most scared all the time....necessary suffering, I usually call it, and that helps make it understandable - a little.
> Quite the opposite, I would say. I think it means you’re doing everything you need to do and making good progress.But I've been in therapy with various T's since March 2002. I can get to various trust levels and openess with them...and then...? What? I see little connection to IRL people sometimes. I understand them better, I understand my reactions to them more easily, I'm more empathetic - so they're getting more *from* me and that's not satisfying...gee, that sounds nice, doesn't it? That's not enough - I want....something more. None of them would I ever risk revealing what I have to my T. It's confusing to see how it'll ever be different.
> Ah, I bet you could haggle for 12 or 13. I bet he loves his job – of course he does, because he gets to work with you!
:-) Awww...
> No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! (Well, OK, maybe I shouldn’t be so emphatic. Sorry.) I do think it’s important to talk about termination in advance. But I also think that discussion should come when you’re ready to begin to think about ending therapy. If there are issues you’ve barely touched on, I don’t think you’re likely to be at that point. You will know when you’re ready. There’s no need to force it.
Yeah, Annierose made a similar point. I'm beginning to get it, maybe.
> I don’t think you’ve *ever* made a pointless post!Wow..thanks!
>It’s true that the nature of therapy involves pain. And I can imagine that your thoughts are turning to termination when he has symbolically abandoned you by going on vacation. But he will come back. And he will be there for you. And I’m sure you’re in his thoughts.
Perhaps. That connection is obvious...but I really didn't stress too much. Knew a lot about where he was going and all. But unconsciously...it could be...this is the first trip where he wasn't avaliable by email, and we email a lot between sessions.
You're right...he's back and safe, And he brought me a little souveneir (sp.!) from a place he knows I also want to visit one day. Very sweet.
> (((((10derHeart)))))
>
> I hope you’re feeling better soon.I'm okay. Just worried about doing therapy *wrong* all the time. Like I'm the only one, right...? ;-)
Your posts are so grounding and sensible, while feeling the actual feelings, too. Thanks so much for that - it helps!
poster:10derHeart
thread:557332
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/557657.html