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Re: My T. is Too Important To Me Ľ Tamar

Posted by 10derHeart on September 21, 2005, at 12:48:53

In reply to Re: My T. is Too Important To Me Ľ 10derHeart, posted by Tamar on September 20, 2005, at 18:43:32

> OrÖ perhaps your feelings are entirely appropriate for your stage of therapy and in view of whatever youíre working on together.

You're likely completely right. I seem to have these intternal measures and time standards, 10 months should be long enough for....what? Something. To see more progress? To be attached, but not *too* attached?
To be finally translating some of the relationship skills from the therapy roo to others? I do - but only a tiny, little bit, and I'm impatient...

> Vacations are no fun (for us clients, anyway). Even if itís only an extra two days, thatís still longer than youíre used to going without him.

True. I just realized I emailed him exactly on the 6th day. Internal therapy clock?

> Well, if youíve been seeing him only ten months and you still have plenty of work to do, is there any need to imagine stopping therapy? It sounds as if youíre not ready to think about that yet.

No. I guess....I'm trying to find some magic way to lessen what I imagine will be the future pain by integrating the topic into sessions sometimes now....get accustomed to it....? But that may be a bad idea. Very distracting from the here and now, I suppose. Maybe I'll ask him this question.

> I think the closeness of the relationship is part of the deal. And itís great that youíre trying hard and that youíre less isolated. But maybe at this stage itís important to you to feel that your relationship with him is the most important relationship in your life. Itís not unusual (I know Iíve been there!). Iím sure itís giving you something you need at the moment.

Could be - thanks for laying it out so clearly. Wonder why I can't accept that it might be fine right now? That internal clock again...tick-tock, it's taking too long, not growing, not changing on the "right" schedule....should, should, should.

> Well, perhaps heís not concerned because itís completely normal. I imagine itís a good thing in some ways: it probably means that youíre committed to the process of therapy and that youíre working hard on some very important issues.

I am very committed. There's no doubt there. Funny how being that way - which is essential - is also the very state in which I'm the most scared all the time....necessary suffering, I usually call it, and that helps make it understandable - a little.

> Quite the opposite, I would say. I think it means youíre doing everything you need to do and making good progress.

But I've been in therapy with various T's since March 2002. I can get to various trust levels and openess with them...and then...? What? I see little connection to IRL people sometimes. I understand them better, I understand my reactions to them more easily, I'm more empathetic - so they're getting more *from* me and that's not satisfying...gee, that sounds nice, doesn't it? That's not enough - I want....something more. None of them would I ever risk revealing what I have to my T. It's confusing to see how it'll ever be different.

> Ah, I bet you could haggle for 12 or 13. I bet he loves his job Ė of course he does, because he gets to work with you!

:-) Awww...

> No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! (Well, OK, maybe I shouldnít be so emphatic. Sorry.) I do think itís important to talk about termination in advance. But I also think that discussion should come when youíre ready to begin to think about ending therapy. If there are issues youíve barely touched on, I donít think youíre likely to be at that point. You will know when youíre ready. Thereís no need to force it.

Yeah, Annierose made a similar point. I'm beginning to get it, maybe.

> I donít think youíve *ever* made a pointless post!


>Itís true that the nature of therapy involves pain. And I can imagine that your thoughts are turning to termination when he has symbolically abandoned you by going on vacation. But he will come back. And he will be there for you. And Iím sure youíre in his thoughts.

Perhaps. That connection is obvious...but I really didn't stress too much. Knew a lot about where he was going and all. But could be...this is the first trip where he wasn't avaliable by email, and we email a lot between sessions.

You're right...he's back and safe, And he brought me a little souveneir (sp.!) from a place he knows I also want to visit one day. Very sweet.

> (((((10derHeart)))))
> I hope youíre feeling better soon.

I'm okay. Just worried about doing therapy *wrong* all the time. Like I'm the only one, right...? ;-)

Your posts are so grounding and sensible, while feeling the actual feelings, too. Thanks so much for that - it helps!




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