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Re: My T. is Too Important To Me Dinah

Posted by 10derHeart on September 22, 2005, at 13:48:19

In reply to Re: My T. is Too Important To Me, posted by Dinah on September 21, 2005, at 5:50:08

> I think body image is a tough thing to discuss with a male therapist, maybe.

I always asumed this, too. Main reason I wanted a female after my last T. left, but the first one I worked with supposedly to support me during that painful time was a totally nasty "B."...and shortly thereafter, old T. recommended my T. now, and he's turned out to be so awesome in so many ways....

So, I'm thinking I have to give this a shot. The thing is, I'm conflicted and will have to first try to articulate this conflict with him, I think. Which sometimes I think I can do, and other times I think, "no way! I can never say these things!"

The thing is, frankly, my T. is fat, too. He knows it, and seems quite open about it. I know it, but like any decent person, I'm not going to go too far in agreeing with him when he makes certain remarks. My thought is *because* he has the same problem right now, and he's revealed being overweight was a problem in his school years and it felt bad (not for me - I was trim and an athlete of sorts....seems like another lifetime), it's possible this will be to my advantage. I mean, I know theorectically a T. doesn't actually have to have lived a particular problem to be empathetic toward me, or to offer help. But it's different with this eating thing, for me. To try to get a man or woman who has *never* had ANY food or weight issues to really understand...I'm skeptical. I know this may be narrow-minded of me. {shrug}

I'm hoping, from hints he's dropped, and hints I've dropped (too scared to go any further) that just maybe we can talk about this. Men still have a different experience in society...but hey, he has a wife, and from some pics I've seen, she also has this issue. Perhaps he can understand...just enough. Perhaps he ONLY has to receive and deal with the negative, disgusted feelings, no matter what the root cause, and I have confidence he can do that. I dunno - this is something I tiptoe around and am ready to put up a 10-ft. high brick wall at a moment's notice...:-(

The conflict is - couldn't his own inability to lose any weight or stick to exercise (he's said as much) hinder everything? Even if he tried hard not to let it? Can he keep his own stuff out of out therapy? Seems it would be so hard. Not to mention, how do I who loves to be blunt in order to get past fear and embarrassment...???

"I've decided to try and talk about my feelings with this weight issue, since you're fat, too, maybe you can understand."

"I'm afraid since you've made it pretty clear you can't figure out how to lose any weight, you'll just ultimately not be able to handle this problem, and even (inadvertently) enable me to stay as I am..."

Argggh! None of these sound okay. It's such a hurtful, raw topic for me, maybe I'm only projecting...but he's human, and I can't just blurt out mean stuff...

>I can talk about the most embarassingly detailed sexual topics without a blush.

This rarely comes up, but I'm fairly sure it wouldn't be too bad for me, either. Body image and weight seem far *more* personal than sex to me. Sounds strange to write, but it's how I feel.

>But it's a hard topic to discuss with a man, I think. Maybe there's some fear he'll agree, or that worse still he'll disagree. I don't really want him to look at me in that way.

Well, I don't care if my T. agrees - to a point, I suppose. I think I want some man, some where, some time, to say it doesn't matter. But then again, it does matter. It's unhealthy and....nevermind. Can't go there. It's such a minefield. If he disagrees too much, or with the wrong words, I'm sure to snap at him about dishonesty, etc. If he agrees too much, I'll likely dissolve in tears, being convinced he sees me looking as gross and ugly and I see myself :-(
(I already told him I wish I could just bring my head to therapy, so he wouldn't have to be subjected to my body...he only looked sad and shook his head....)

Never really thought about the idea of it meaning he was looking at me "that way," assuming you mean as a man might look at a woman's body, which I get for your relationship (therapist-mommy!)
Hmmm...I guess I'm assuming he can objectively see obesity - or not see it (blind?!?) - or look past it as I do with him and everyone else I know - without tht potential sexual element being present...

The whole topic makes me feel ill. Thanks for writing about it, though, and getting me thinking. Because there's really no avoiding it for much longer, I can feel things just bubbling to the surface....




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