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Re: My T. is Too Important To Me Annierose

Posted by 10derHeart on September 21, 2005, at 12:16:19

In reply to Re: My T. is Too Important To Me 10derHeart, posted by Annierose on September 20, 2005, at 16:57:23

> 11 years is a long time away. Try not to get ahead of yourself. I just recently had a similar conversation with my T. Termination is not an immediate concern or decision, so try not to anticipate how you might or might not feel years ahead.

Yes, but I have no desire to see him for years. Insurance wouldn't keep paying, I can't imagine, and besides...I don't know, I just need/want that feeling of having progressed, mastered certain're right, though, when I'm ready, perhaps it won't feel nearly as bad as I imagine now, when I'm not. Duh...thanks for pointing that out.

> I do think it's appropriate to feel close with your T. This person holds us emotionally. To me, my T cares about me in a way no one else has before, in a maternal sense (although she is not even 10 years older than I). Interesting enough, the more I share my longings with her, the less needy I have been.

I agree totally. Don't mind being close, it's just that lately, all I see is that since I'm not married or dating, have no real best, best friend (not that I confide in)T. is *THE* central relatinship in my life. The fact itself scares me.

I hope as I let bits more out to him and nothing bad happens, maybe I'll be less needy, too. Seems like the opposite might happen, though.

> I go 3x per week, so I don't have to wait so long inbetween sessions. For me, that is so helpful. If an icky topic comes up, it will only be a few days before we can continue.

Gosh, I envy that. Impossible in my financial situation now. Maybe someday an increase to 2X could happen, ot even 6x a month vs. 4x (Dinah suggested this once)...every little bit helps? We do lose things in those 6 days...and get sidetracked.

> I think it's a good thing, your feelings for your T. It shows you have the capacity for a long term caring relationship (IMO). And your T has shown you that sharing those feelings is okay, he hasn't freaked out or made you feel uncomfortable. That's great.

You're right. I'm just at a place now where it feels like the ONLY L/T relationship will be with my T. This is the 2nd T. I've gotten attached to, so I'm starting to see myself as some kind of "serial T-lover" who lives only for that feeling and is alone, otherwise. That's creepy and quite sad.

> Vacations can be hard. We're here for you in the meantime.

He's back. Saw him today. There was a lot to update, and I "let him" tell me about parts of his vacation, which was fun. Nothing heavy today, only started tears at the end, 'cause didn't want session to be up. He said, "you can email me every day, if you need to. It's okay." He seems to mean this, but I just can't believe it or do it...

Thanks, Annie, you are lovely for taking the time with me.




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