Posted by Tamar on September 20, 2005, at 18:43:32
In reply to My T. is Too Important To Me, posted by 10derHeart on September 20, 2005, at 16:14:07
> He really is. I seem to be obsessing about this fact lately...(?)
Or… perhaps your feelings are entirely appropriate for your stage of therapy and in view of whatever you’re working on together.
> He's been out of town, but only for a week, and he scheduled me right before he left, so the vacation has not been much of a problem. 8 days in between vs. 6 days. I think about how important he is all the time, though, just maybe a bit more lately.
Vacations are no fun (for us clients, anyway). Even if it’s only an extra two days, that’s still longer than you’re used to going without him.
> Like how I can't imagine stopping therapy - even when the time comes where we both agree I'm *better,* as far as the things we're working on. Which I already am in many ways, but we still have topics to work on - some of which I've hardly even been able to mention after 10 months (weight, horrible body image, etc.)....so plenty of work to do.
Well, if you’ve been seeing him only ten months and you still have plenty of work to do, is there any need to imagine stopping therapy? It sounds as if you’re not ready to think about that yet.
> Like how the relationship with him, even a mere 55 minutes once a week, is far better than anything else IRL. And I try - I do try. I am far less isolated. I have new friends, and share more with my friends....yet nothing even, ever begins to come close. Not even for a few seconds.I think the closeness of the relationship is part of the deal. And it’s great that you’re trying hard and that you’re less isolated. But maybe at this stage it’s important to you to feel that your relationship with him is the most important relationship in your life. It’s not unusual (I know I’ve been there!). I’m sure it’s giving you something you need at the moment.
> It's just that...it's the most important relationship in my life. It's the highlight of my week. I've told him life often feels like just stuff that gets in the way and takes up time between T. sessions...:-( Not good. Don't recall what he said to that one, but I don't think he was surprised, or terribly concerned.
Well, perhaps he’s not concerned because it’s completely normal. I imagine it’s a good thing in some ways: it probably means that you’re committed to the process of therapy and that you’re working hard on some very important issues.
> Does continuing to feel this way mean I'm learning nothing? Getting nowhere?
Quite the opposite, I would say. I think it means you’re doing everything you need to do and making good progress.
> I crave so much and, so far, am not finding any appropriate ways to get any where near enough attention, affection, compassion, listening, time.....nothing from anyone but him. As a result, I am definitely a bottomless pit with him. He says I'm not, and together we'll find the light so I can see there is a bottom to the neediness pit...
It takes time. Take all the time you need.
> I don't think so. I feel like I'm in the "forever therapy camp," yet that doesn't quite sound right either...
Well, if you are in the ‘forever therapy camp’, there’s nothing wrong with that. And if you aren’t in that camp, perhaps you just can’t imagine life without therapy at the moment. And why should you? You say you still have things to work on, so perhaps you’re not ready to think of life without therapy.
> It just hurts terribly if I imagine saying goodbye to him ever. So I don't.
I think your plan of not imagining it makes perfect sense. Of course it hurts. But unless you have a reason to say goodbye (which you don’t at the moment) you might be hurting unnecessarily.
> He has jokingly said I have 11 years...since he promised his family he'll retire at that point.
Ah, I bet you could haggle for 12 or 13. I bet he loves his job – of course he does, because he gets to work with you!
> Sometimes I wonder....should we maybe talk about the process of (how I *hate* this word!) termination now....months (?) in advance, to spread out the pain and loss more, to get a general framework of how that would take place....I don't know. Sounds creepy.No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! (Well, OK, maybe I shouldn’t be so emphatic. Sorry.) I do think it’s important to talk about termination in advance. But I also think that discussion should come when you’re ready to begin to think about ending therapy. If there are issues you’ve barely touched on, I don’t think you’re likely to be at that point. You will know when you’re ready. There’s no need to force it.
> This post has no true point....sorry. I just wanted to sort of throw the thoughts out here and see if anything resonates...or maybe I'm just whining about the nature of therapy itself.
I don’t think you’ve *ever* made a pointless post! It’s true that the nature of therapy involves pain. And I can imagine that your thoughts are turning to termination when he has symbolically abandoned you by going on vacation. But he will come back. And he will be there for you. And I’m sure you’re in his thoughts.
(((((10derHeart)))))
I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:557332
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/557377.html