Posted by 10derHeart on September 23, 2005, at 11:06:51
In reply to Re: My T. is Too Important To Me, posted by happyflower on September 21, 2005, at 0:26:07
> Hey Tender! I think sometimes, at least for me, when I feel like I am getting too close, I want to back away from someone, even if it is a good thing. It is like I fear I will get rejected by someone who starts to mean a lot to me. It is easy for me to reject that person before they reject me.
Yeah, I never thought I was one to do this. I've always pulled closer to people, to do anything to keep them from leaving me, physically or emotionally. (Often not a healthy thing to do either) But maybe on some level I'm doing this without totally realizing it.
> I am trying to overcome this, it is hard to trust people sometimes.
> My T has shown me I can trust him, and he won't dump me if I become too clingy. It took me a long time to realize this and believe in him. Now that I trust him, I feel I can slowly become less attached to him. Which I am trying to do lately and so far I feel fine with it. I even cancelled my next session next week, for one it is getting very expensive, and I want to prove it to myself that I don't "need" him as much as I once did as a therapist. He doesn't know why I cancelled. I told him that I will call to reschedule, but I plan to hold out as long as I can.I think that sounds great for you, because that's the right place for you to be right now. Except I worry about the "proving to myself" part, but maybe that's just me not understanding how that would feel. I worry about the need, but I have no desire to stop it really. Because as I trust my T. more and more, I feel more, not less attached. So I guess I can't quite imagine what that's like. Hope you can feel free to go back whenever you need to, though, and not suffer unnecessarily trying to prove anything.
> Well anyways, I know I am rambling on, but at one time he meant way too much to me, but now those feelings are slowly lessening, but on my own time frame. He will always be special to me, but I feel maybe in a more realistic way. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone, but it is how I feel at least right now.
It makes sense. We are all different in some ways, the same in others I suppose. The way you describe your feelings now reminds me of the way I am about my ex-T. more than current T. Although I still occasionally have hours or a day where I miss him intensely, mostly it's mellowed into something more realistic and comfortable, without all the longing. But this took nearly a year, and help from my T. now. It wasn't easy to live through at all. When I care and am committed and get attached, it is never something I can change easily.
I'm glad you sound at peace with how things are with your therapist. You've come a long way, I'd say. I appreciate your post :-)
poster:10derHeart
thread:557332
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/558477.html