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Re: My T. is Too Important To Me » 10derHeart

Posted by All Done on September 21, 2005, at 2:16:14

In reply to My T. is Too Important To Me, posted by 10derHeart on September 20, 2005, at 16:14:07

Hi, 10derHeart.

You're wondering if anything in your thoughts resonataes with anyone. I have to tell you that pretty much *everything* resonates with me. Sometimes I feel pretty obsessive in my thinking about my T or aspects of my relationship with him, but I've learned that it's okay and even important to talk about all of it. So, some of my sessions have focused on termination even though *I* have no intentions of terminating at this point...or ever? ;) I think he tries to give me some reassurance that it doesn't have to happen now or maybe not even soon. He asked me when I thought it would be okay. If memory serves me correctly, I said something about 40 years (we're both in our early thirties, so I've got the poor guy working past retirement) and he let me go with that. For some reason, I don't quite believe I'll be seeing him that long, though. Anyway, I digress. He seems to learn a lot about me when I share my feelings about what termination will "look like" someday. Most of the time, I feel like I'm just whining that I don't want to lose him, but apparently, that's not the case.

I've also shared how painful it is to go from one session to the next (six days) without seeing him. I believe he was kind of surprised when I told him the intense pain I feel sometimes because I'm not with him. After I shared that little tidbit, the pain subsided some for a while, but I've felt my attachment to him grow even stronger, if that makes any sense at all. Don't get me wrong, though, I still have some pretty intense feelings during the week. I'm trying right now to figure out how to deal with them and it's hard :(.

I'm not sure if you ever feel this way, but sometimes I think about the topics I hesitate to bring up (body image is a tough one for me, too) and I wonder if I'm sort of keeping those to myself to ensure we'll always have something to talk about. Then, you know, I've got him for sure. He can *never* terminate me (insert evil laugh here). I have to push myself really hard to talk about some things because of that. Come to think of it, I should probably share with him my "logic" behind hesitating to share some stuff with him.

Hmm, if you read and understand that last sentence, let me say I'm proud of you for reading this far and still being able to understand my ramblings. I guess I have a lot to say on the topic. I understand completely where you're coming from and I think it's okay to share your feelings about termination even if you aren't anywhere near terminating, and it's okay and probabaly good to feel the attachment you feel to him. It must be serving a good purpose and I'm glad you have a T willing to work with you to figure it all out.

Thanks for your post!

Laurie


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poster:All Done thread:557332
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/557564.html