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Re: My T. is Too Important To Me 10derHeart

Posted by messadivoce on September 20, 2005, at 20:15:05

In reply to My T. is Too Important To Me, posted by 10derHeart on September 20, 2005, at 16:14:07

Yikes! You're in the middle of a lot of tought stuff. Termination must seem overwhelmingly terrible, and I don't blame you. When you get to a point of vulnerability, and to where you can discuss the things that have been really hurting, your T becomes a lifeline. Been there.

You are not ready to terminate, obviously, and it sounds like he IS willing to take 11 more years with you--if that's what it takes. That's so wonderful. So please don't worry about termination right now. At this time it is bound to cause panic.

And of course, after experiencing such intense closeness with another person, all other relationships are going to pale in least for awhile...but the point of having that closeness with someone in a therapy context is so that you can have a deeper quality in your relationships later down the line, no?

And let me tell you--there is NOTHING like it, even if you have a best friend, even if you get married. It cannot be recreated. That is part of the loss I am learning to deal with. It's the rest of therapy that makes up for this loss--I am talking about the tools your T gives you to live, and yes, to thrive.

I would encourage you to talk about termination--not as a reality thing that will happen "soon" but as something that will happen someday. And talk about everything else that's bothering you too, because if all that is waded through, when the day comes to say goodbye, 11 months or 11 years down the line, you will be ready.

And I would encourage you to ask...why you are afraid to lose him, even 11 years from now. Did you lose someone before?

There is meaning behind it, I am sure. There is a reason why he means so much to you. And why wouldn't he? He is kind, compassionate, caring and wise. And he fills a need that you haven't had filled before.

I don't want to be presumptuous. I feel like I know you well. I am sorry it gives you pain to think about termination.

Just don't run ahead of yourself.





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