Posted by karen_kay on May 21, 2004, at 18:28:09
will you marry me? i'm sorry i've waited this long to ask, but i really do fear rejection.
and do you promise to mother my future children and be as wonderful a mother to them as you are to your child now? i promise to find some man to support us both, so you can stay home and care for the children. and then i can spend the money on the worthless things i buy (and definetely NOT air conditioning, though i would reconsider for the sake of the children).
and do you promise to still be my friend, as well as my wife? i would still need your advice of course, and i hope it wouldn't be biased considering you would be marrying the second best woman in the world.
and would you introduce me to your mother? i may be tempted to wear a habit when i meet her, would you be able to explain that to her? and if you couldn't would you at least just laugh about me behind my back, and not in front of me? and would you also say 'good one' to me when your mother wasn't around?
and would you introduce me to your husband as well, or would you try to hide me from him (as if he doesn't know me already! i am kelly, you know)? i think that if you do decide to marry me, it's very important that i meet your husband.
and miss l, if we did get married, would you care if i gain weight? would you care that i sometimes am dense? would you care that i don't discipline my dog (and that i can't even spell it!)? would you be prepared to cook dinner every night? do you mind that i don't wear my seat belt? and that i smoke (oh, i know you hate that!)? and that my head is small and i can't wear hats? do you care that i have monkey arms and big feet? and that i have no breasts? would you be ok knowing that i may one day hope to find someone to buy me a pair? would that bother you?
and would it bother you if i'm the bride and you are the groom? or could we both wear pretty dresses? could kid be my maid of honor? or would you want him to be yours? would you wear a kilt just because i always wanted to marry someone scottish. and could we get married in vegas, by fat elvis? and would my dog be there? would you pet him if he went to the restroom on your dress?
miss l, i know this is quite a tempting offer. i hope you will take your time to consider (but not too much time of course, go with your instincts) my special offer. please do let me know, but if your answer is no, let me down easy. i can't stand having a broken heart. oh, but you have to buy the ring of course. nothing too fancy really, just enough to be visable from mars. perhaps you could take donations or plan some sort of a scam? just don't tell me about the scam or i'd feel really bad when i wore the ring.