Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 14, 2004, at 10:27:39
In reply to no apologies needed mr vermont.. » Scott in Vermont, posted by karen_kay on June 13, 2004, at 23:16:10
Hello Karen,
I do not mind if you call me Mr. Vermont, but it does make me feel like a contestant in some bizarre contest. And who knows, perhaps I am and I just do not know it yet.
I am happy that you took the joke as it was intended. My “literal switch” has been sticking in the “high” position recently, and I tend to see other people viewing the world as I do and that’s simply not how it is.
As far as being needy and demanding, I can see how you’re just getting the “big questions” out of the way first. I don’t think you’d be terribly needy or demanding, because once you were here, I think you’d fall into the flow of things and you’d find that you’re actually feeling quite content and at peace with things.
If you came to visit, you would use a guest room. Where my girlfriend sleeps would be up to her. I’m her boyfriend, not her keeper. I would only become jealous if I was excluded all the time, and did not receive any attention from her. That is not necessarily meaning sexual. It’s emotional and also speaks of companionship. I like having time by myself, but I do not like being alone.
Your “official title” would probably be Karen. And the position of entertainment coordinator just happens to be wide open. There is no cable or broadcast TV at the house, so any entertainment would be welcomed. I play guitar a lot, but it would be nice to have someone else step up and entertain for the evening.
I notice that you have a great deal of concern over the possibility that you will be perceived as “annoying”. All I can say is that I’m a very easy-going guy, and if I get annoyed with something I’ll tell you about it politely. If you continue to be annoying, I’ll conclude that you’re doing it for attention and I’ll give you genuine (not coerced) attention. If that isn’t what you need, I’ll re-assess my previous conclusion and then decide that you’re just annoying, and I’ll go to Fionn’s house to have a beer (without you). I don’t know what I’ll do after that. If you’re picking on me just to get a reaction, you might find the reaction is no reaction at all.
I don’t have a pool and I know that a “real” pool is not a cost that I can absorb. However, there are municipal pools in the area if you need chlorinated water. I much prefer swimming in the brooks and rivers. There are brooks that are deep enough to jump off 30 ft cliffs into. They are not the one by my house, but they are not too far away.
If you started to slack in any duties you accepted, the first approach would be concern (Hey Karen, is everything going ok?) and I’d discuss your duties and ask if you needed some help, and I would also ask you to ask us for help next time before it got to this point, because we take care of each other here. If the same behavior continued and there was no discernable reason, I would use a more direct approach, such as you suggested (I’ve noticed the weeds are growing in the garden, could you take care of that?) and if the situation persists without any due cause other than you simply are not doing anything (meaning I’ve talked with you about this before) I would then start explaining the concept of a collective, and why it is important for everyone to do their fair share. If that didn’t work, I’d tell you to get off your lazy butt and do something. Conversely, I would expect you to do the same with me if I was slacking. Sometimes a person needs a kick-start to get going again.
If I liked you but my girlfriend didn’t… well, we will have to cross that bridge if we get there. If nothing else, I can state this- if we open our home to you and extend hospitality, it will not be rescinded. Even if you decided to leave or we asked you to leave, we’d help you do that. But I have a feeling you’re a lot more responsible than you might present yourself, and you’re certainly a likable person. I do not think you have anything to worry about. Nothing to worry about… unless you want me to pay for an incredibly expensive and vain cosmetic surgery, or want something ridiculously expensive that adds little benefit to the collective, such as a pony.
poster:Scott in Vermont
thread:349363
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/356543.html