Posted by All Done on May 24, 2004, at 2:39:33
In reply to miss all done...., posted by karen_kay on May 21, 2004, at 18:28:09
>> will you marry me? i'm sorry i've waited this long to ask, but i really do fear rejection.
Oh, Miss Karen!!! Of course Iíll marry you. How on earth could you imagine I might reject your generous offer of your hand in marriage? An offer no one in their right mind could refuse. (Wait, am I in my right mind?) But I must say, itís about d**n time, Miss Thing! Iíve only had to beg and plead with you every day for the last three weeks! And to top it off, youíve been going around all willy-nilly asking everyone and their brother to marry you or give you a ring. Hmpf! But whatever. Youíve finally come to your senses.
>> and do you promise to mother my future children and be as wonderful a mother to them as you are to your child now? i promise to find some man to support us both, so you can stay home and care for the children. and then i can spend the money on the worthless things i buy (and definetely NOT air conditioning, though i would reconsider for the sake of the children).
Youíre too sweet :). So, whoís going to support us? Iím thinking kid. Or does it really have to be a man? Perhaps spoc could as she hasnít given you a ring, yet. Maybe they both could? Can we work that out? I think it would be the Perfect Plan.
Whatís up with the air conditioning thing, though? A/C is a must, so you better reconsider or else weíll just have to call the whole thing off. Iím sorry. This is where I draw the line.
>> and do you promise to still be my friend, as well as my wife? i would still need your advice of course, and i hope it wouldn't be biased considering you would be marrying the second best woman in the world.
Iíll always be your friend, kk. That is, as long as you agree to the A/C thing.
>> and would you introduce me to your mother? i may be tempted to wear a habit when i meet her, would you be able to explain that to her? and if you couldn't would you at least just laugh about me behind my back, and not in front of me? and would you also say 'good one' to me when your mother wasn't around?
You would have to meet Mom. Itís a prerequisite to the marriage thing. Maybe we could bring spoc along and she could wear a short skirt or something. Does she wear skirts? If not, kid probably would. Then, my mom wouldnít focus on your habit. Then again, she probably wouldnít notice anyway. Sheís a little self-centered, you know.
And I would not laugh at you - only with you, my dear.
>> and would you introduce me to your husband as well, or would you try to hide me from him (as if he doesn't know me already! i am kelly, you know)? i think that if you do decide to marry me, it's very important that i meet your husband.
Well, Iíve apparently cleared up the whole Karen/Kelly misunderstanding. He now knows youíre Karen, but he believes you may be a 14-year old boy. I explained to him that that is impossible. You are at least 18. Heís not quite convinced yet, though.
So, in fact, you should meet him so we can get this mess figured out. He will like you. You will like him. But youíre not allowed to ask him to marry you.
>> and miss l, if we did get married, would you care if i gain weight?
No. Does this have to do with that whole commercial thing? I thought the women stay skinny and the men get fat.
>> would you care that i sometimes am dense?
Is this a trick question?
>> would you care that i don't discipline my dog (and that i can't even spell it!)?
I donít discipline my dog, either. Will your dog try and poop on mine, though?
>> would you be prepared to cook dinner every night?
Absolutely NOT! Is this a deal breaker?
>> do you mind that i don't wear my seat belt?
>> and that i smoke (oh, i know you hate that!)?
Yes. Talk to kid about getting some gum or a stripper. Whatever works for you.
>> and that my head is small and i can't wear hats?
Again with the trick questions?
>> do you care that i have monkey arms and big feet?
I have chicken legs and big feet as well. Oh, our poor childrenÖ
>> and that i have no breasts?
Iíve told you before, I have enough for the both of us.
>> would you be ok knowing that i may one day hope to find someone to buy me a pair? would that bother you?
This will not bother me provided he or she will buy me a new car.
>> and would it bother you if i'm the bride and you are the groom?
Canít we both be the bride? Where do we have to go for that? Is it Massachusetts?
>> or could we both wear pretty dresses?
Are they both going to be white? We can pretend, canít we?
>> could kid be my maid of honor? or would you want him to be yours?
I canít decide. He would look stunning in the mint green dress with rhinestones that I have picked out for him. And I donít really want him to be in charge of fixing the train on your dress. He might take the opportunity to crawl under and that would just be embarrassing for everyone involved.
>> would you wear a kilt just because i always wanted to marry someone scottish.
Dr. Bob is going to wear the kilt, remember? Maybe he plays the bagpipes, too. Should we ask?
>> and could we get married in vegas, by fat elvis?
>> and would my dog be there?
Will he eat the flowers?
>> would you pet him if he went to the restroom on your dress?
I would give him an extra treat.
>> miss l, i know this is quite a tempting offer. i hope you will take your time to consider (but not too much time of course, go with your instincts) my special offer. please do let me know, but if your answer is no, let me down easy. i can't stand having a broken heart. oh, but you have to buy the ring of course. nothing too fancy really, just enough to be visable from mars. perhaps you could take donations or plan some sort of a scam? just don't tell me about the scam or i'd feel really bad when i wore the ring.
Donít worry about the ring. Ever since the day I met you, Iíve been saving my pennies for the most beautiful ring I can find. At $.02/day, Iím quickly approaching $5.00, so donít fret, my dear, I can guarantee it will be something very special, indeed.
I hope Iíve answered all of your questions. I realize they are important, thought provoking, life changing questions and I can only hope the offer still stands after you read this.
I have a question. Will I be All Kay? Will you be Karen Done? Perhaps we should both hyphenate All Done-Kay and Karen Kay-Done. In any event, I think we should both stick with Ms. Iím not a fan of Mrs.
Ms. All Done