Posted by ElaineM on January 13, 2007, at 14:23:45
In reply to sorry this is long..., posted by Karolina on January 11, 2007, at 23:14:53
>>>>>>I know that I will probably sound hypocritical a little bit (since I struggle with my own T and how to take his comments/actions and how to handle my attraction to him) -- BUT...my situation is maybe PG-13 and your's is like NC-17.
I don't think it's hypocritical -- I try not to compare situations too much cause each context is always different. I guess I can see how you differentiate our T's, though I hope that wouldn't make you discount the inappropriateness of some of the things you've said your T does. He has said that he loves me a handful of times. ANd while he has said "make love" or "be the man in your life in every way" he never does or say overtly sexual things. He does get jealous, but I can't tell when it's an emotional or a physical jealousy, or both.
>>>>>>>If your T was a good guy, you wouldn't be feeling so bad right now. HE is the one with issues, not you E. I'm glad you have had contact with your ladyT, have you told her any about what's been going on with him??
I don't know about his "goodness" but I do think he's got some psychological problems. I have many of my own issues (I'm not healthy by any means either) and he has his. LadyT knows everything, (including his profession) except his real identity.
>>>>>but it almost sounds like you wish you could get away from him, but just dont know how to cut it off. because you're worried about 'hurting' him and he's made you feel so responsible for everything.
I wish leaving him wouldn't hurt both of us. I wish me staying didn't mean so much to him. But then again, maybe I do. It's pathetic but he's really the only one who's close to me on a somewhat personal level. He's the only one who'd notice if I wasn't there. It's hard to give that up. Someone caring too much is easier to take than no one caring (IRL) at all, or too little. LadyT helps but I'm a patient to her, not a regular person. If I was without him, no one would have "real" feelings for me. I know that accepting the difficult and the bad is hard, and it hurts at the time - but then knowing that I exist on an emotional level to him is a powerful consolation. LadyT doesn't think about me when I'm not associated with some professional thinking, or when I'm not associated with my diagnosis. T's can think about you on their own, but it's because they don't want your "illness" to be harming you at the time, they don't want to perpetuate your "illness", they're wondering if they made the right decisions (in terms of your "illness") when they last spoke to you, they think of you as an extension of their job. Sure, she can like parts of me personally, but she'd never associate with me socially (or maternally) before I was her patient, and wouldn't now that I'm not her patient. T is different that way. I know it's bad psychologically, but professional/social/... have been combined, making each facet harder to give up.
>>>>>>He needs serious help and what's sad is he has probably tried to start something like this with other women in his life, probably even other patients.
I think he does need help. But I don't think that he does this with other patients. Not cause I'm good at converation, or have a good personality, or look good -- I'm too quiet, ugly, monotone. I know that his "choosing" me doesn't mean I'm special (and it doesn't make me feel that way). But I just really feel deep down that this isn't something he's done before, or is doing now with anyone else.
>>>>>It would maybe be different if you felt like you loved him and were attracted to him. But from what I can tell, you feel grossed out by the suggestive things he says to you.
That's true. I do feel grossed out. The age gap is huge. But I'm scared and grossed out by almost all men now. I have been having an extra hard time with "older" men for the past few months though. I get the urge to start screaming when I'm too near one. But now I'm the same way with younger men too. I can't imagine him touching me beyond how/when he does now. It really makes me sick to my stomach.
>>>>>He definitely needs to keep seeing his own therapist.
I think so too. I also think that he needs to start talking about the right things too. He gives me recaps of all his sessions the next day, and I ask him questions about them. I think it's great that he's talking about stuff to do with his Ex -- I think her role is important in the dynamics he and I have. But I've been begging him to mention *our* relationship, and how it effects him. I want him to have another professional male's (who's his age) opinion -- and maybe that would tone him down, or wake him up. He won't though. I mention it and he blows it off right away saying he doesn't want to be lectured to about how wrong it would be. He says that his T wouldn't understand how different I am. It's really frustrating. But he will not do it. I even mentioned it again this past Wed. I wrote about it again in an e-reply I just sent off to him -- I'll see what he says.
K, I don't think you're too harsh. I'll try and write updates more often when something new happens. I'm going through alot of terrible stuff lately. I think it makes me think that T isn't SO bad even more than usual. THe only thing I worry is that when I'm writing out here, I feel calmer and start to downplay, re-write, and forget everything that happens with T and I. And I also forget how upset I was when he's done or said certain things, when I have a different, non-related issue in my life pull focus. Thanks for staying in touch. You keep writing about your stuff, cause I sometimes worry about you too.
blove EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:721410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/721986.html