Posted by Karolina on January 11, 2007, at 23:14:53
In reply to Jealousy, Seperateness, NewYrs, Now -long***TrigSH, posted by ElaineM on January 11, 2007, at 15:59:49
hey Elaine,
I'm going to warn you ahead of time, this will probably come across as blunt, and I know I usually am not that way, but I just feel really worried about you. None of us like seeing you feeling this bad. Life is too short you know??
But we were glad to hear from you. But please know this - you are NOT disgusting, you are NOT a whore, pathetic, weak, or anything else like that. I know that I will probably sound hypocritical a little bit (since I struggle with my own T and how to take his comments/actions and how to handle my attraction to him) -- BUT...my situation is maybe PG-13 and your's is like NC-17. I don't mean for that to sound b*tchy, but it's just so clear that your T has broken boundaries of normal ethical therapy (asking you to hang out outside of the office, taking up YOUR time by talking about HIS problems, expressing his feelings about you -- i think I remember you saying one time he told you he loved you, he gets jealous of you getting attention from other guys, etc)
In a way it almost sounds like the dynamics of your past troubling relationships are being reinacted - with your T. Like he's learned how to manipulate you into feeling guilty or bad about really stupid stuff, like how long your emails should be to him...This relationship is unhealthy, not just because he is behaving as an unethical T, but even if it was a real relationship with some guy you met somewhere else, it wouldn't be healthy.
If your T was a good guy, you wouldn't be feeling so bad right now. HE is the one with issues, not you E. I'm glad you have had contact with your ladyT, have you told her any about what's been going on with him??
Like muffled said, I really don't know what you're truly feeling and I might be wrong in getting this feeling from what I read, but it almost sounds like you wish you could get away from him, but just dont know how to cut it off. because you're worried about 'hurting' him and he's made you feel so responsible for everything.
I know you feel you can't just 'walk away' but -- you CAN. You are strong E and you can stand up for yourself. You don't have to put up with this crap anymore. He needs serious help and what's sad is he has probably tried to start something like this with other women in his life, probably even other patients.
It would maybe be different if you felt like you loved him and were attracted to him. But from what I can tell, you feel grossed out by the suggestive things he says to you.
And it probably feels more like a burden having to listen to his emotional chaos, emails, letters/print-outs he brings to sessions, and feeling like you are the one who is supposed to help him tame it all.
Even though he thinks of you guys now as more friends instead of doctor and patient, it would still be aggravating/overwhelming to constantly feel like you needed to help him fix everything. He definitely needs to keep seeing his own therapist.
...I know the things I say are probably coming out harsh, and you might even feel pretty mad at me for saying all this.
But please don't be defensive of the situation, be honest about the situation instead.
That it's messed up and making YOU feel messed up, and there should be no reason for that. Because you dont deserve all this!
I'm sorry for saying all this but I care about you - everyone here cares about you. I think like muffled said, it would be a great idea to write out how you're feeling about everything on here. Because I feel bad if all of my assumptions are totally wrong about how you feel. But anyway like I said, I just care....
-Karolina-
poster:Karolina
thread:721410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/721538.html