Posted by ElaineM on January 12, 2007, at 22:16:09
In reply to Re: Jealousy, Seperateness, NewYrs, Now -long***Tr, posted by bil on January 11, 2007, at 20:31:00
>>>>>He sounds like he is being very manipulative and controlling- and very scary... he is playing on how low you feel about yourself to give himself power.
He really does seem to "feel low" about himself though. Like, really low. Even today, I'd given him a book cause I've started to put together more of his childhood/teens and realized he was an ACOA. So I gave him one of my books and we had such a good session today. He read out parts that really touched him, and talked more about specific examples from his family. He'd never connected alot of the stuff. ANd at the end he said he was realy considering looking for a group to go to. I was so proud of him. A bit bothered cause he only asked me after an hour and forty minutes, "Oh, did you have anything you wanted to talk about today?" I didn't, so it's not like it was a big deal. Plus he did do some meaningful work today. I felt better about today than any of my meetings for maybe the last two months. But it just leads me to believe that he really is more fragile than I am. I mean, I hate having to speak so much, I hate having to be the strong one, and I hate having someone depend on me to "look after" them -- but I'm the one, out of the two of us, that he's put in that role, so he must feel very sensitive. And I've never seen a man cry before (except at a deathbed once, and at funerals). I've seen him do it at least three times now. I don't want to hurt him.
>>>>>this man has broken every ethical rule in the book.
I do know this. But it's hard cause I know that he doesn't *realize* he's doing it. I wish he'd had a therapist much earlier in his life, or even that he'd stayed with the ones he had to work with when he was younger and beginning.
If I knew that he was being 100% deceitful, and evil and manipulative, it'd be easier to have angry feelings towards him -- it'd be easier to leave. But he seems to be making all these mistakes out of some misplaced love, and desire to be loved. I wish I wasn't the one he was confronting all this with, but that's how it's turned out. THe fact that I'm so "similar" to him, and our family histories are somewhat similar, and I have quite a few parallels to his last EX ... it seems inevitable that it would've happened this way. I feel like sh*t even considering abandoning him.
Bil, thanks for your support. THere are days where I do feel the resentment and distaste that you have, but they are mixed in with alot of other emotions. I wish I was with LadyT. I'm glad she's alright still having contact with me, and that she's as available as she can be, right now.
blove EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:721410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/721863.html