Posted by ElaineM on January 13, 2007, at 16:37:39
In reply to Re: Jealousy, Seperateness, NewYrs, Now -long***Tr » ElaineM, posted by philyra on January 13, 2007, at 8:26:10
Hi philyra, No, I don't think we've spoken before. Nice to meet you.
>>>>>>I wanted to say also that I think leaving him would be the best thing for both of you. Not just for you.
Actually I never thought of it that way. If I knew 100% that leaving and hurting him that way would push him farther into the arms of a capable T then I may try to do it. I worry that the only reason he's seeing one now is cause I really push for it, and he thinks it's important to me. I've had to talk him out of quitting before, and now he's talking about it again. I worry he'd just breakdown and isolate.
He's been talking to me recently about how he wants me to help him to be like me. He thinks it's a noble, strength-proving thing that I tolerate my disengagement from the world so well -- That I "accept" aloneness and loneliness, reject the idea of "hope" when it would only be a lying to oneself. He says I amaze him that way -- he think it shows wisdom. I told him that it's not a good thing for someone to give up on the world that way. That it's not admirable that I've removed myself from life, or that I've been so damaged that I don't feel properly, or have any normal attachments or likes. I said it's more defeatism than anything and that I wouldn't wish that on anyone, let alone help him to be like me. It's offensive to me -- my life is terrible and full of pain, not some exercise in zen, or something.
I worry that he wants to "copy" my mindset that way. Combined with how upset he'd be if I left him, I'm not sure he'd turn to someone else. He says that before me he has already turned away from people emotionally that way, in regards to his own stuff.
I'd never report him though. Ever. I'd never destroy his life, his family's life that way. Never. It'd be more likely for me to just stop seeing him.
Thanks for the reply. I wish there was away that I could not hurt either of us.
blove El
poster:ElaineM
thread:721410
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/722030.html