Posted by ElaineM on June 16, 2006, at 9:41:38
Things are getting "strange" with me and my T. (I've posted a bit before) Within the past month there have been definate changes in the way we interact. He tells me all this stuff about how he wants to keep me forever (not necessarily sexually), he gave me flowers, invited me to his condo, he says that touching me makes him forget his troubles, and that he likes that I can help him with his problems, and sometimes office stuff (though I never have anything to do with other patients files at all). I like to help, and I'm glad to give something back. I'm a useless reject in the rest of my life, and usually only upset and hurt others who come near me.
I know he cares, and I know he is not trying to hurt me at all. Not at all. I'm just really scared that if I disappoint him in any way that he can terminate me. And the way things are, I'd be losing more than a T, and more than a friend. Plus, I do like the attention in a way, I'm so lonely and scared. Is he just like every other man I've known? Do all men end up only wanting sex? (is it okay for me to say that word here?) It is hard to have this secret alone, with no one to talk to in person. I don't have anyone else in my life at all. I do care deeply for him. I don't mind being his companion (I like when he makes me feel worthy of being alive) but I couldn't bare to feel like his whore. I know he would not think of me that way, but I would feel it within myself. All I know is that I can't lose him.
My question is: If I mention this to my doctor, to get advice or something, does she have to try to report my T or whatever? Is how we are actually bad when we haven't kissed or slept together yet? (But I worry that that could be coming.) Sometimes I'm relieved it could be coming though. I'm so so confused! If I don't volunteer his name, is there any way at all that she can find that stuff out behind my back? I don't want him in trouble, just to not have this secret alone. How discreet is the med.doctor/patient relationship this way?
Any advice about how to disclose this discreetly would be helpful. I'm going out of my mind with anxiety.
Thanks, El
poster:ElaineM
thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/657557.html