Posted by Karolina on June 18, 2006, at 23:15:40
In reply to Karolina, posted by ElaineM on June 18, 2006, at 10:07:40
Hey Elaine.
I hope I didn’t sound like a hypocrite in my post for saying that I agreed with the others about getting some guidance on the side from a female T. I agree that we have many of the same feelings towards our Ts and kind of similar situations, except that your T has seemed to really cross some major boundaries. Yes, my T has given me compliments, stared at my chest and legs, e-mails with me pretty frequently, has given me an extra-long hug, etc –BUT- he has never turned things around to where I have ended up giving him advice about his own issues, he doesn’t routinely touch me and tell me how it makes him feel, or has never asked to see me outside of appointments.
All of those boundaries can be so confusing and there are such fine lines that can be easily crossed. It just sounds like your T is really pushing things too far, and for all I know, I could be facing some of this with my T one day myself, but it worries me that you are scared about what’s going on and that he seems to be moving so fast. I remember you saying that you’ve been seeing him for almost 2 years, but did his touching and suggestions to get together, etc just all of the sudden come up, or has it kind of been a gradual thing? Do you know if he’s married or not? Sorry if I seem to be asking too many questions. And I hope my post isn’t offensive, I just think your T’s behavior is beginning to sound dangerous. Maybe not so much in an aggressive or threatening way, but in a way that could end up emotionally hurting or damaging you.
Since I’m in the situation too, of liking my T and having so many intense feelings for him, I can imagine how overwhelming all of this probably is for you. If my T started giving me more attention like that, like inviting me places or coming on to me sexually, I would have a very hard time saying no. I know I would. I’ve actually thought a lot lately about that type of thing happening, but you know what, anytime after I’m done fantasizing about something happening between me and him, I always get this empty sick feeling inside, I start to think about how I’d leave the appointment and then he’d go home to his wife, and I would go home to…nobody. So that tells me something. if I even have doubts or bad afterthoughts when I’ve *fantasized* about something happening, then I *know* I’d end up feeling hurt afterwards in a real situation. I don’t really know where I’m going with this but I do know that dealing with these types of feelings is very, very hard and confusing. I’m very glad that I was able to help you feel like you could open up and talk about this issue and I hope you will continue to feel safe enough to talk about it, because we are definitely here for you and will listen. Please take care,
-Karolina-
poster:Karolina
thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/658541.html