Posted by ElaineM on June 18, 2006, at 10:07:40
In reply to Re: keep this a secret? ELAINEM, posted by Fall Girl on June 18, 2006, at 8:37:04
Karolina: Thanks for your concern. It was your threads that I started responding to on this board first. For obvious reasons. If you hadn't been so brave to talk about such an embarassing topic then I probably would've only lurked and never got the guts to overcome my posting paranoia. So thanks for helping me not feel so alone.
I'm concerned for you myself because we are close in age, and our T's sound of similar ages, and it sounds like there have been similar feelings and things going on. The crazy thing is that I still feel the feelings you describe for your T too. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think I'm so out of it because to me he is both a man, and not a man. He's also this larger than life, genderless, thing I've built my life upon. He is more important. It's not like I could just be with him and then disappear, as though he were someone I'd met in a bar. I do have some issues with men, and fearing sex. If I thought that wasn't in the future I don't know if I'd have been scared enough to even question the way my T and I are together.
Even as I'm scared out of my mind, and asking for help about this, I've agreed to see him today to just spend time together. We were going to take a boat ride, cause he doesn't have other plans today. I'm afraid to be lonely, and I'm nervous to go. (Not that anything would happen in public) I don't know. I shift from excited and grateful, to terrified and desperate so quickly that I don't know what I'm thinking, or what I should do the majority of the time.
Thanks for listening, EL
poster:ElaineM
thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/658273.html