Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: keep this a secret? » ElaineM

Posted by Tamar on June 18, 2006, at 17:57:46

In reply to Re: keep this a secret? FallGirl, posted by ElaineM on June 18, 2006, at 10:21:07

> I'm so stupid. Too stupid for being 25.

Well, you’re definitely not stupid. And being 25 is still pretty young! No one can be expected to have all the answers at 25. Or 35, or 45 for that matter…

> I don't even deserve all of your help,

You deserve all the help you need.

> because I still can't control how I think and feel about him.

Well, I’ve rarely been able to control how I feel about people. But you can control what you do about him. And you don’t have to make any drastic decisions right now. The first step is simply arranging an appointment with another therapist, to talk it over. That’s all. There’s no predetermined outcome. But I do think it would help you to discuss with another therapist, even if it’s just to be able to talk about it with another human being face-to-face.

> I don't want to let all of you guys down.

Don’t worry about letting us down. That’s not what this is about. The important thing is that you can feel safe. That’s the thing that really matters. And we do understand that you’re very emotionally attached to him. We won’t judge you, whatever you decide to do.

> I wish I wasn't so afraid of physical stuff cause then I'd just be able to go with however he chooses to proceed. And maybe nothing would happen. I'd be worrying now for nothing.

Hmmm… As someone who has spent a great deal of time thinking about human sexuality, I don’t think that ‘going with however he chooses to proceed’ sounds like a very pleasurable experience. If you really wanted him sexually, you’d be saying something like, “I wish I wasn’t so afraid of physical stuff cause then I’d be able to rip off his clothes without any embarrassment,” or something like that. But the way you phrase it, it sounds as if you can’t possibly imagine enjoying sexual contact with him. And if that’s the case, there should not be any sexual contact between you and him. You are allowed to say no to him. You are allowed to tell him you aren’t ready for that kind of relationship with him or with any man. If you tell him you are not ready for sexual contact, then he MUST respect that. Anything else is assault.

And by the way, there’s no shame in not wanting to have sex at this point in your life. I’ve known many women who weren’t ready for sex at 25. It’s a very individual thing. If you have some recovering to do, you will need a lot of time. There’s no point rushing it.

> I hate having so many issues. I'm sorry.

Please don’t apologise. Most of us here have a lot of issues, so we can understand. I’m really glad you’re here and talking to us. It’s nice getting to know you.

Tamar


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Tamar thread:657557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/658425.html