Posted by Marie1 on August 13, 2001, at 17:04:14
In reply to Re: Monogamy?, posted by Greg A. on August 13, 2001, at 14:19:24
You know, it really doesn't seem "natural" that humans are expected to be monogomous for life. People change (duh), and spouses may or may not change in the same direction. I used to consider myself happy or at least content in my marriage. But these days, I want to be married to a grown-up. I don't see how we can stay married and faithful to each other if my husband won't grow up with me.
OTOH, I really believe that nature must have meant for us humans to be monogomous for life because we have children. I don't think you can over estimate the emotional devastation to a child when his parents divorce. Unless, of course, if it's an abusive situation. Personally, I have difficulty imagining getting a divorce from my husband because of my kids. They don't deserve that; it's not their fault their parents have become different people than when they were first married. My kids have enough problems of their own without adding to them by divorcing their father. So as long as my kids are still at home and I feel the way I do, I guess I'm stuck.
Greg, in answer to your question re: having friendships with men (I can only answer for myself of course), I have several male friends with whom I am fairly close. These friendships are platonic, but I think I can say there is ALWAYS some level of sexual tension, at least on my part. The sexual tension isn't a bad thing; it's an awareness of the other person being a man. And vice versa. I'm not sure this will make sense to anyone reading this post, but I can't think of any other way to say it. And my youngest is irritatingly reminding me that I promised to take her to the mall, so enough esoteric rambling for now.Marie
> Well there are certainly some common threads between us married men and women. The desire for ‘more’. The need for understanding and communication with our spouses. My wife (Leslie) is different from me in some fundamental ways. She likes to have people around all the time. I like time on my own. If I want to be away from her, she takes it as meaning I don’t want her around when all it is, is me satisfying my requirement for space. I also read somewhere that we look for a couple of things in a partner. Our semi-conscious level looks for complements to our own personality. I looked for someone who was more outgoing and social, because I wasn’t. Leslie looked for stability I think, because her family was unstable. Unconsciously, we look for the very things we may have identified in our lives as being undesirable. We are familiar with them. Children of alcoholics marry alcoholics. Children of strict and domineering parents often find domineering and even abusive spouses. Not all the time – but enough times that I am convinced it is something that does happen.
> The desire to have new relationships is common. The initial time of getting to know someone is the exciting time. Everything seems new. You ignore all the bad habits and see only the new and interesting. One thing with men – anytime we get to know someone new and female – we always try to make it a sexual thing. Do women have male friends on the same level as their regular friends? What’s the line? Women use sex to get love and men use love to get sex. Something like that.
> Enough rambling for now. Perhaps before I’m too old, I’ll have a better idea of who and what I am.
poster:Marie1
thread:8862
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010812/msgs/9489.html