Posted by Greg A. on August 9, 2001, at 14:45:57
In reply to Re: spouses and alcohol » Greg A., posted by Marie1 on August 8, 2001, at 18:23:55
Marie,
It’s tough when a relationship heads downhill and there doesn’t seem to be a way to stop it. I question whether I am thinking rationally about my relationship with my wife. I know that when I am in a depressed cycle my thought processes seem to be on the irrational side, but lately I have been feeling pretty good and I still wonder if I want to keep on trying to make things work. Then I question just how much effort I am really putting into making it work. Not much I think.
Your description of your husband only being home when there’s a party does not seem like a good way to have a solid foundation to re-build things. I, too, think about all the past good memories with my wife, but that accumulation of thoughts does little to make me happy right now, and I know that it won’t hold up for the future either. Is your husband looking for something to give meaning to his life? It sounds like he is trying to avoid some critical issues by being high a lot of the time. In the past five years I have really questioned a lot of my goals. I guess you could say it’s a sort of mid-life crisis. I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, though things could be a lot worse. I am working at trying to slow down and enjoy things more, but it’s hard. Your husband seems to be escaping into a haze. I admire you for not choosing to follow. It seems to me that you are also searching for meaning and having a hard time. I have read that depression is often a signal to take stock and make some changes. Life’s way of saying ‘stop right here and don’t continue the way you have been going.’ It sure is hard to see what the new path might be though.
You cannot make a relationship work by yourself. You have to have cooperation from the other party and even if you don’t totally agree on what needs to change, you can make progress by talking. You guys are not working together are you?
Just some miscellaneous thoughts from someone equally as confused by life.Take care
Greg
poster:Greg A.
thread:8862
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010807/msgs/9057.html