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Re: Time for a *sex trigger** thread. Hubby/wife s Dinah

Posted by muffled on December 30, 2006, at 14:44:08 [reposted on January 1, 2007, at 21:50:12 | original URL]

In reply to Re: Time for a *sex trigger** thread. Hubby/wife s muffled, posted by Dinah on December 30, 2006, at 11:52:24

> Definitely talk with your therapist about it.

**Sigh. It seems to be unaminous to talk to T. I expect I would write and fax. Then she brings it up :(

> Be honest with husband - kindly. This one surprised me. It seemed terribly unkind. But if phrased correctly I discovered it could be done without undue hurt. So there were a few things that I just really didn't like, and I was honest with him. I put things in a positive way, like I really prefer it when you do this instead of that. Or I really want to enjoy our experiences together, and one way to help me do that would be to...

**HOW can I be honest? Do I tell him I scared of it? That I feel nauseated by it? I never been terribly creative cuz I always mostly been in a mad rush to get it over with as soon as possible.
I am such a loser wife. My poor husband desrves better than me :(
I AM gonna try some things mentally to just get thru it at all, the basics, quickly. And mebbe I can improve from there. Its the nausea and trying to function AT ALL when I dissociate that I find hard to get by.
This all sucks SO F*CKING BAD.(pardon the pun. its the way I talk)
>
> It's a lot easier for me if I have advance notice, so I can prepare. Also it's easier for me if I'm the initiator, so I try to initiate things often enough.

**I think both of those are good ideas for me. Thank you.
>
> And if there's anything at all that you enjoy, try to incorporate it into your routine.

:( I don't have a routine, just get it over with asap.

> My gynecologist suggested getting a bit tipsy.

**Can't drink, but mebbe xanax? or MJ?
>
> The general idea being that anything that increases positive feelings and decreases negative ones will help, even if only incrementally. But if you add up enough small changes, it could lead to bigger ones.

**THIS is what I got to keep in mind. This is central I think. Cuz I don't think this is gonna happen overnight :( if ever :(
>
> Can you think of anything that makes it better for you? I like to think most husbands are more interested in having a wife who enjoys sex more than they are in any particular sex acts.

**Better for me? I think it would be better for me if I was dead. Sigh. I didn't really realize what a deep set thing it was until I started to look at this more closely. I just been avoiding. Poor hubby got a bad wife all right. But he seems to stand by me. Why I don't know.
I like the thot that one day we could have this special physical intimacy, but I also think it may never be possible. I too wrecked. Irreversable. I CAN get my own rocks off, so I know its physically possible, but the whole thing is so overwhelming.
Thanks for sharing Dinah.
Take care,
Muffled

 

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