Posted by Tamar on January 1, 2007, at 17:56:34 [reposted on January 1, 2007, at 21:50:13 | original URL]
In reply to Re: Time for a *sex trigger** thread. Hubby/wife stuff Ľ Daisym, posted by muffled on December 30, 2006, at 23:08:36
Iíve been trying for several days to find a way to join in this thread. I find it really hard to pick words I feel comfortable with.
I really like the suggestions other people have made. I agree that being to one to initiate it works really well. And daily hugging is also something I find useful.
These days I can have sex fairly comfortably if itís just f*cking; i.e. if we just do the penetration thing and itís all over quickly. I find it much more difficult to have intimate sex, especially if my husband wants to get me excited and do things to my body. We did sex therapy and we manage to have nice sex every now and then, but itís still a big struggle.
One thing that works when my husband wants sex and I just canít face it: Iíll hold him while he masturbates. Iím quite happy to take off at least some of my clothes and it seems to be better than no sex for him.
Another thing Iíve noticed is that it can take me HOURS to get in the mood for sex with my husband (which is odd because if Iím alone it takes me all of 30 seconds to get in the moodÖ). One thing our sex therapist suggested was to watch porn together. I have second-wave-feminist views about porn, but we have found some Ďeducationalí DVDs about sex which are pretty explicit, and I do notice that watching that kind of thing helps.
I really doubt that alcohol or MJ would make things any better. I know some people swear by alcohol in this situation, but I think it just makes me feel less in control. And MJ can have the same effect, plus it makes some people feel paranoid. I just donít think itís worth it. Finding alternative ways to relax is harder, but probably better in the long run.
Oh, and Iíd say talk about it in therapy too, but Iím still trying to work up the courage to do that myselfÖ