Posted by Tamar on December 24, 2006, at 21:56:50
Hi everyone,
I’ve been really depressed recently and haven’t felt able to read or post. I hope you’re all doing OK.
I don’t really expect many responses to this post because it’s Christmas and you all have other things to do. But this is one place where I can be sure that someone will understand…
I’m having such a hard time in therapy. I’m finding it impossible to believe that he can help me. He has been rather unreliable during the last six months, and even when he’s there I can’t seem to tolerate the responses he gives when I want reassurance or comfort from him. I’ve challenged him repeatedly about his tendency to shut down the conversation when I talk about what I want from him, but it hasn’t changed the way he relates to me. I don’t expect him to give me any of the things I want, but I wish he’d be more sensitive rather than just telling me that what I want isn’t ‘helpful’ and leaving it at that.
I’d love to be able to have the kinds of conversations that other people describe. I’d love to be able to tell him the various strange and bizarre feelings and thoughts I have about him. But I’ve been trying for more than two years and it isn’t working. I feel sure I should leave him but I don’t have the strength of character to leave him. I hate myself for being so weak.
If someone else were writing what I’m writing, I’d ask them why they continue to put up with it. And so often it comes down to “But I love him.” It doesn’t sound like a good enough reason.
Why is it so hard to walk away from the people we love, even when it clearly isn’t working out? Sigh. And it’s more than two weeks until I can see him. He took two weeks’ holiday, starting Friday lunchtime. Since my appointment is Friday afternoon, it means he saw all his other clients last week, except me. And he didn’t even tell me; I found out by accident. I wish I could hate him. Grrrr….
I hope you all have a peaceful Christmas.
Love,
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:716231
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/716231.html