Posted by Tamar on December 26, 2006, at 12:38:01
In reply to Re: why can't I leave therapy? » Tamar, posted by Dinah on December 25, 2006, at 13:15:31
> At times that thought has occurred to me. Even when therapy is clearly not helping at the time, I find it nearly impossible to walk away.
> I think... I think it can be as hard to give up on this sort of relationship as any other kind. Especially if there is intermittant positive reinforcement that keeps you motivated.
A very good point. We had a really nice session the last time I saw him. I felt better about therapy than I had in ages. Sigh.
> But don't we do the same sort of thing with others that we want something from that they can't or won't provide? We keep going to parents expecting that they'll suddenly be the mommy or daddy we always wanted. We stick with partners because sometimes it is good, and the rest of the time can't be that bad can it? And surely it's better than being alone.
> I think it's probably hardwired into us somehow, and while that may be good for the human species in general, it sure can hurt us individually.
> I think Annierose is right in that the main problem always has been his training and theoretical orientation. I doubt it's personal at all.
I think there’s a part of me that wants it to be personal. I guess I feel I want to get under his skin. If he’s not doing well with my transference, I want the reason to be something in his own background or something countertransferential; something that connects him to me personally. If it’s really nothing personal and nothing to do with me, then not only is he failing to work effectively with me but he’s also demonstrating his lack of interest in me at a professional level. I find it hard enough to handle the idea that he doesn’t have special feelings about me, but I used to feel sure that he was professionally interested in me. Now I don’t even have that.
> FWIW, if you really do think you're better off without him than with him, I've always found that I do better if I emotionally divorce before I physically do it. I can't give an exact recipe for that as it seems to be something that just happens. But I think trying to change perspective, gain distance, and notice a *lot* of flaws are the keys to emotional divorce.
That makes sense. I think I’ll find it easy enough to notice the flaws. It’s the gaining distance part I find tricky. Maybe I should suggest seeing him less often…
> It's good to see your name again. I was thinking of you the other day and wishing you were around.
It’s good to see your name again too. I wish I could be more communicative when I’m feeling so depressed.