Posted by ElaineM on December 25, 2006, at 22:47:17
In reply to why can't I leave therapy?, posted by Tamar on December 24, 2006, at 21:56:50
>>>>I’m finding it impossible to believe that he can help me.
>>>>I’ve challenged him repeatedly about his tendency to shut down the conversation when I talk about what I want from him, but it hasn’t changed the way he relates to me(((Tamar))), I don't have anything much to add on to what others have said already. But I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with depression right now -- what a terrible feeling. It sounds like you not only know where your working future with your T stands, but have also tried your best to engage him in ways that would be more helpful to you. I don't know what more you can do.
>>>>I’d love to be able to have the kinds of conversations that other people describe.
I know exactly what you mean. It's painful for me to read posts about T's who say and do the "right" things, are sensitive, etc. Often I can't tolerate it so I end up avoiding threads like that. Two years is a long time to be waiting for even a sign that something could be ultimately beneficial for you. It must feel like forever.
>>>>>I feel sure I should leave him but I don’t have the strength of character to leave him. I hate myself for being so weak.
I understand. I don't know what to say. The only thing I tell myself is that even when I think that staying makes me deplorably weak, there is one "weaker" position that I'm one step up from -- denial. And I'm refusing to delude myself that everything is fine and perfect, by admitting that I do know things are not ideal and *should* be changed. At least that's a first step in the right direction. It is still a fairly new thing for me to be able to say that YES something is wrong, and YES it'd likely be healthier for me without him. There's still a wide gap between *knowing* and *doing*, I know, but a small start is still an improvement. Do you feel some strength in being able to at least have the *knowing* part right now?
>>>>>Why is it so hard to walk away from the people we love, even when it clearly isn’t working out?...And so often it comes down to “But I love him.” It doesn’t sound like a good enough reason.
Maybe not a "good enough" reason, but undeniably, a very powerful one. Why? Shared time together, disclosed secrets, familiarity. Because change is scary. Because being alone is. Because starting all over from scratch is a tough commitment to undertake. Because unrequited and/or unsolicited feelings are painful. Because sometimes "bad" exchanges seem better than none at all. Because it's hard to accept than no matter how bad we want someone to change for our better, it can still have no influence on the others behaviour. And hard cause I guess there's always the lingering feeling that, If I only wait one more...two more....six more months things could turn out how I want -- and it's hard to let go of that kind of hope.
I don't think that anyone can change a T's technique or personal perceptions, their psychological issues, or their personality -- even if we try, even if we want to. Even if I do. If you?
:"(A wise b-friend told me to remember to try and not judge myself harsher than any other babbler -- (((((wise b-friend))))))-- So be gentle with yourself.
Hope you had a little bit of Christmas happy.
Thinking of you, hugs, El
poster:ElaineM
thread:716231
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/716396.html