Posted by Tamar on December 26, 2006, at 12:15:53
In reply to Re: why can't I leave therapy? » Tamar, posted by annierose on December 24, 2006, at 23:19:36
> From what you have described, it does sound like he was insensitive to your appointment on Friday. He should have told you a few weeks in advance and offered to reschedule that appointment earlier in the day or week (at least that is what my therapist would have offered).
Yeah… I would have liked that. Even if he’s just told me he was working all week except Friday afternoon. I’m probably just sulking… But when I saw him last Friday (which was my last day of teaching before the holidays) I said I had the end-of-term feeling and I asked him if he had a similar feeling - because I thought it was his last day too. And he said he still had a few days to work. And I guess I was imagining he was working until Wednesday or something. So when I discovered he was still working on Friday morning, I wished he’d just told me as much. I *know* it’s none of my business, but it feels as if he was deliberately withholding that information because he suspected it would upset me, and that’s all very well, because what I don’t know won’t hurt me, except that now I do know and yeah, I do feel hurt. And I also feel as I’m an immature school kids for being upset about it. I feel suspicious and distrustful of him, and I hate that. I hardly ever feel those things about anyone.
> I'm sadden to read you have been so sad recently. I wish my magic wand was working but it seems to be on the blink as of late.
Thanks Annie. Yeah, my magic wand doesn’t seem to work these days either!
> Therapists are VERY hard to leave - at least I think so. And just because you are going through a rough time now, it doesn't mean you should quit therapy or that he is "bad" for you. It could mean several things. But I do understand your frustration. From what I recall from previous posts, I think (and what do I know?) it boils down (mostly)to his training (that's my guess). You are an analytical thinker. You like to examine feelings from all angles and points of view. You are smart. Your t is not psychodynamic or an analysis. He usually does short term treatment (I think). So he wants to help you, he does, but I think he is stepping outside his comfort zone, and that is the boundary you keep pushing into.
You are right; he usually does short term CBT. And yet I know (because he told me) that his training was psychodynamic. But then maybe he’s working in CBT these days because he finds psychodynamic work uncomfortable. But if that’s the case, why did he offer to work psychodynamically with me? Did he think I wasn’t likely to ‘ooze transference’? I bet that’s it. And yet there’s no point trying to figure him out, is there? I don’t have enough evidence to come to any worthwhile conclusions.
> I'm exhausted but wanted to respond before my brain turned to total mush. Sorry I don't have more insights to offer right now.
Thanks so much for your thoughts. I’m sure you are right about stepping outside his comfort zone.
> Wishing you peace in your heart.