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Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. Lorraine

Posted by shelliR on August 8, 2001, at 20:28:02

In reply to Re: Update Lorainne, Elizabeth, et. al. shelliR, posted by Lorraine on August 8, 2001, at 10:41:34

Hi Lorraine, all


> Shelli--just want to say that it's pretty easy to second guess you therapist decision from the peanut gallary but you are the one who knows her value and limitations and whether she is who you should be seeing right now. You seem to see things clearly and, amazingly, you seem to be able to pull back from her views when they are not useful. Good for you. There is also something for you to learn in her limitations--they force you to protect yourself emotionally in an involved situation. My husband is a general all-round good guy, but he has his limitations like the rest of us mortals. When I was in a toxic work environment that was really destroying me, he failed to see the danger in my continuing to work for an abusive boss--all he could see was the glitter and the gold of this "once in a lifetime" position. At the time, I verified my sense of reality through him--not realizing that he had this fault. One of the lessons I had to learn was to pull back from my enmeshment with him and discern whether his opinion was useful or not. It is a really important lesson and you seem to have a handle on it.
>
> > > > Yes, you are being pushy :-). And that's okay--you care. But I'm pretty clear on this
>

I've been thinking about both of your reactions to my therapist and thinking about what I am feeling about therapy in general right now. I am surprised and not surprised that my pdoc is allowing me to increase the oxy. In one sense he had previously said he could not justify raising it, but when I told him how much I was hurting and how much another hospitalization would disrupt my life, I wasn't really surprised that he increased it. Plus a hospitalization wouldn't have helped the pain, just keep me alive until the parnate kicks in, *if* it does. (I am optimistic, still)

It is hard to me to understand how both my last pdoc and my therapist could render such critical judgments about my choices in trying to deal with such horrible pain when they had no solutions. Well, like the saying "unless you have walked in another's shoes." I lost a lot of both my childhood and early adulthood; I'm really not willing to lose more of my life if I have any options. I don't get how they don't get that and I do see it as their problem, not a character flaw of mine.

Once before my therapist and I had a conflict about my life, which didn't involve her either. She expressed her disapproval that I set my business up as a corporation in order not to lose a specific gov't benefit. She said that it was not unlawful, but not in the spirit of the law; I told her that when she showed me her tax returns (and that of her MD husband) we then might approach the topic of the spirit of the law on equal ground!

Anyway, the fact that my therapist is so opinionated is really a pain at times, but she has never "hit" me, as they say "below the belt"; she has never hurt touched any sensitive points (shame issues) with her opinions, or I wouldn't/couldn't tolerate it. And I think I need to learn to accept peoples blind spots; just as I assume they accept mine. Only of course I don't see mine (or don't have any! :-)

btw, did you read any of the thread about attachment? Do you know what I mean now?

Aside from feeling a bit depressed, I am feeling a bit down tonight (two different things for me).

I bought a new treadmill (my other one died over the weekend), so I am up and running (well walking very fast) again which is good. But I don't get an endorphine release high; I can't figure that one out because I walk fast and push myself by setting inclines and I do it for 45 minutes. Any ideas why it's never affected my depression? Mostly the fact that it helps control my weight motivates me to do it.
>

>
> > > > I'm not generally interested in support groups, but that does sound interesting.
> Well, I have a strong need for community right now.
Well, I remember you said you missed the community of work. Are you looking for any community, or are you still feeling that you need to be around more people who understand depression? Does a sense of community mean fitting into a group of some sort, e.g. work group, support group, etc. I mean what does that phrase mean for you?
>

So you think 10mg of parnate is really making a huge difference?

Also, btw, my gyn doesn't think there is any reliable test for hormone levels, including the saliva test.

> How is Parnate treating you?
No complaints, no ad affects yet.

Shelli


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