Posted by kara lynne on July 3, 2003, at 2:19:39
In reply to Re: Kara how are you fending?, posted by giget on July 2, 2003, at 12:11:09
What you said is all very true, and I'm full of mixed feelings. He wasn't there today and I did feel better getting the stuff outta there that I could. However there are still a couple of big, more expensive things that I really have to think about. I have to go over there *yet* again, and it is really difficult. Plus I would need at least two strong people and a truck, and then I'll just be moving again in a few weeks. I'm all befuddled.
It was a good thing my friend was with me. She helped me get rid of things and told me not to take this great, framed headshot of him. I think that was a good idea and I would have been inclined to take it. On the other hand she was unsentimental about other things she thought I could use and should take anyway. Some of it is ok, and some of it does trigger sadness, no doubt. And like you said, I may end up throwing it all away later anyway.
I am much sadder tonight then I have been in the last couple of days so I really wish I didn't have to go back. I'm looking back at his email and thinking "kindly" my **s. Who is he to be Mr. Kindly now, anyway. Asking about my life and my test like it mattered. I did ask him what happened to him talking on the phone about how I'm not doing anything with myself, and the worthlessness of my endeavors. Of course that put a stop to our friendly, kindly chat, and he said we "wouldn't open up these things that could only lead to pain right now", and that those were issues for the psychologist.
Grrrrrr. His big breakthrough yesterday was writing me that deep in his heart he believes "we are both truly effed up". I wrote him back that once again my heart quivered from his noble declarations of love.
Therapy? I don't think so. I can't see the point in banging my head against this wall any further.
Thanks for the tips giget, I really appreciate them. And I'll be on the lookout for that job!
poster:kara lynne
thread:236377
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030626/msgs/238915.html