Posted by leeran on May 15, 2003, at 11:49:21
In reply to Re: Toxic Friendships (loooonnnnnggg) » leeran, posted by WorryGirl on May 15, 2003, at 11:16:10
"I almost wonder if this woman had a crush on your husband?"
Do you know, WorryGirl, this had never EVER occurred to me. But what an interesting concept . . . I do remember (this was all 15 - 20 years ago) her mentioning that her husband had told her many times that if he did things like my husband she would never stand for it (i.e. go on two-week long hunting trips, leave every weekend to go hunting, etc.).
Hmmmm, interesting thought.
Regarding riding by the house - I'm telling you - it was the weirdest thing. Our house was in a rather remote rural "subdivision" of houses on 1/4 to acre sized lots. She didn't work and given her curious nature about us, I guess it was no big deal for her to take a Saturday afternoon drive without the kids or her husband (I doubt he would have agreed to accompany her). By this time she had a very large Mercedes (and very large sunglasses), but she was still fully recognizable, and when she saw me out pruning - she gave a little wave and pulled in the drive. I even asked her (when she said she wanted to see our house after her husband had described it) if she wanted to come in (what else could I do - it was so awkward?) but she hastily declined.
Thx for that insight on the crush possibility. This is not to speak disparagingly about myself - just relaying the truth - but I actually remember one woman (on a cruise) having the nerve to ask me how I had ever snared my husband (given the fact that he was so handsome). The funny thing is, I had lost so much respect for him as a person (especially after his one-night stand) that I didn't even find him attractive anymore. It's all perception I suppose . . .
Regarding your husband and the soul-mate "thing" - it sounds like he adores you and loves everything about you. That type of acceptance and unconditional love that you have with him is, in my opinion, very "soul-mateish." If you have small children it isn't easy to feel that mind connection 24/7, I mean - there are so many other things going on!
Last night I watched Dr. Phil McGraw on Larry King Live. He made a point of saying that you should marry someone who is your best friend. Larry King - who has been married several times before - quickly commented that Dr. Phil's concept seemed to take the romance "out of it."
I have found that what I "need" the most in a spouse is a continuing companionship and an effortless rapport. I didn't even think about such concepts when I got married the first time at age twenty two! The second time, I was doing exactly what old Dr. Phil described - getting away from something versus going toward something.
Can you tell that here lately I think Dr. Phil is "the man?" I've only watched his show three times and saw him last night on Larry King Live, but I agree with everything he says. I've never been an Oprah disciple (or a disciple of any TV host, including Pat Sajak) but Dr. Phil may be the closest to "pedestal status" that I've ever allowed any celebrity type to be!
WorryGirl, you have many great gifts - including that of seeing many sides to a situation. Don't go wandering off, you hear?
poster:leeran
thread:226073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226840.html