Posted by noa on May 14, 2003, at 19:51:56
In reply to Re: Toxic Friendships » WorryGirl, posted by bookgurl99 on May 12, 2003, at 17:29:20
Worrygirl, now that I've reread your post and the replies, I will reply.
First, it sounds like a terribly uncomfortable situation!
And, your wish for friendship to be supportive and uplifting is a good wish. If this person is not very positive, maybe you should not have such an intense friendship with her, and continue to meet people whom you feel have more positive energy.
Is it possible that the friendship got too intimate too fast? You describe disclosing your worries to her, etc., and that she also disclosed to you. Maybe she feels too exposed? Maybe if she disclosed financial issues, her husband found out about it and is really uncomfortable with you and your husband knowing about their finances? Maybe it just got too revealing to quickly and that can be scary. Or too interdependent too quickly?
Who knows?
But obviously, you would wish she would handle the discomfort (whatever the reason) in a better way, I am sure.
Whta do you think about the idea of talking to her, like something along the lines of: "hey, you know, I've been sensing that there is a little tension between us lately. You, know, we hit it off really well really fast, and maybe a little too fast, and maybe we should back up a bit? I like you, and still would like to be friends with you, but do you think we both might feel more comfortable if we both stepped back a bit? You know, take the pressure off? Because I'd like to preserve our friendship,and I'd hate for this tension build and get in the way of being great neighbors."
I dunno. Just an idea. And of course, it's all armchair coaching hehe, ie, much easier to think about YOU doing than ME!!
Also, since you seem to be someone who worries, maybe you can hold off on concluding *why* things are going the way they are. I know that I have overinterpreted things sometimes, and it can help to wait and see before acting on conclusion that might be skewed by anxiety.
Which is not to say you are imagining this problem! I hope the previous paragraph doesn't seem to imply that.
I just know that it is often hard to guess what another person's motivation really is.
I think you should meet different people, keep it "light" for a while before getting too close, and get a sense of who has positive energy that you want to get to know better.
poster:noa
thread:226073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226696.html