Posted by leeran on May 15, 2003, at 12:15:47
In reply to Re: Toxic Friendships (loooonnnnnggg) » leeran, posted by WorryGirl on May 15, 2003, at 11:16:10
"I agree and I have that one friend even if she's miles away. I hope I haven't sounded ungrateful, but it sure would be nice to have a closer close friend one of these days."
WorryGirl, I understand completely and I don't think you've sounded ungrateful in the least. Since moving 2000 miles from two of my closest friends and my parents I have often felt the same way.
It's rather ironic that a woman that used to "work for me" here on the West Coast lives eleven miles away. She and I had a very on/off relationship because of the competitive nature of our business. I really didn't think I would ever see her again when she was let go from the organization. Soon after she was let go I met my husband and had a two year relationship with him that ended up with us getting married and literally living in the same coastal "neighborhood." She had no idea that I had been spending a good portion of my time in her area for the two years since we had parted ways.
I never had any intentions of ever contacting her - but she ended up calling, by chance, our old offices soon after I moved here and I ended up calling her back. She was so shocked to know that her old adversary lived in the same area code.
We used to have some good phone conversations way back when, but there was always an undercurrent with us. However, over the four year time period that I've lived out here she and I have actually become rather good friends - plus, I do some writing for her business on the side (which is one of the few creative outlets I have).
There was a very real adjustment period for her, getting to know the "real" me (or the divorce-weary/cortisol-spent version of me versus the hard-*** version I always had to be with her), but now that all of the readjustment is behind us, she is of the most supportive and understanding people I know, especially regarding (my) depression.
This friendship is one that was totally unexpected and took some time to evolve, but it is important to me (and I think to her as well).
I may never feel as close to her as I do to these two close friends back in the Midwest, but who knows? Maybe in time . . . so much of all this has to do with history and trust.
WG, I hope you find a confidante in your area. It is important to have someone with whom you can let your hair down and not feel worried about how they're going to feel about you later.
It's been my experience that these things happen when you least suspect . . .
poster:leeran
thread:226073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226846.html