Posted by WorryGirl on May 12, 2003, at 10:01:06
I'm at a loss to describe exactly how I feel, but I'm starting to think that aside from my best friend (who lives a few hours away), the only people who seem compelled to have any kind of friendship with me don't make me feel very good about myself.
Seriously, am I naive to expect that friendship would entail lifting each other up, and complimenting each other occasionally and sharing thoughts without judgment? Disagreement is fine, but negative judgment bothers me.
The few friends I have made around here (if you want to call them that), make me feel so badly about myself after my interactions with them.
One of these friends thought I was wonderful for the first month or so, but now she makes comments that undermine me whenever we're around other people, such as other neighbors. In fact, when around them, she seems to make it appear that she is not overly close or fond of me. Things that she acted like were perfectly normal feelings or things that she had experienced also, turn into something completely different when we're around others. She cleverly manages to snub and insult me with comments alluding to what we had shared on the phone a few days earlier. I can also sense that she has made negative comments about me to neighbors, who I have gradually and carefully been trying to get to know (and not self-disclosing too much like I tend to do). But we all got together recently and none of them were as receptive as they had been previously. It seemed obvious that she has relayed things to them that portrayed me in a negative light.
This is exactly why I have social phobia.
This same person will probably call me one of these days and be as nice as can be and then proceed to share more of her bad thoughts about me to the neighbors again. Why do I let this happen? How can I nicely let her know that although I value friendship, she is not making me feel very valued? To be honest, it almost seems as though she considers our friendship a charity frienship. Ouch!Where are the nice people and why don't they want to be friends with me?
poster:WorryGirl
thread:226073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226073.html