Posted by Eddie Sylvano on May 12, 2003, at 10:25:13
In reply to Toxic Friendships, posted by WorryGirl on May 12, 2003, at 10:01:06
> One of these friends thought I was wonderful for the first month or so, but now she makes comments that undermine me whenever we're around other people, such as other neighbors.
---------------The world's a confusing social power struggle to me, and I don't know what the prize is. I'm behind your definition of friendship, though. It should be a simple, positive thing. You shouldn't be made to feel bad.
My response to everything is to try and be a genuninely good person to everyone, regardless of how they treat me. It an unassailable position to adapt, makes me feel good, and hopefully helps out everyone else too. Other people will say that you're being used, or taken advantage of, because they're afraid of losing points in the social power struggle by appearing weak. Don't listen to them.
I'd say that you should let your friend know (in a sincere and non-accusatory way (a real art)), that some of the things she does hurt your feelings. If she's a friend of any value, she'll at least be more discreet about it. Be gracious and nice with her, at any rate. It doesn't cost you anything, and may serve as an example for her later in life. People may think you're a doormat now, but time will prove you right (everyone's too focused on looking good in a given moment, and it's short-sighted, imho). Being a good person gives you strong and easy conviction in action.
poster:Eddie Sylvano
thread:226073
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030506/msgs/226078.html