Posted by Greg A. on January 29, 2002, at 13:47:31
In reply to Re: ahhhhhhhhhhh, posted by wendy b. on January 28, 2002, at 23:26:38
Wow Wendy! Remind me never to divulge too much information about myself to you!
Seriously – I was commenting to sar about putting on a cheerful mask and displaying it to everyone. I did that for years. I was Mr. Even-tempered. Happy and unruffled all the time. I still remember phoning a friend from work after I checked myself into the hospital (to prevent doing myself bodily harm) I told him where I was and he thought it was a joke. He said I couldn’t be depressed because he knew me so well. It was just not possible. He finally had to come and visit me to believe it. But what an effort to keep up that appearance for so long. And what a way to delay helping myself.
I still catch myself presenting a phony front to people when I am down, but I am much more willing to be sick now if I need to be and let myself heal a bit. I recognize that I have limits. I may not like those limits but I know they are there and now and then, when I try to exceed them, I am sharply reminded that I am not perfect. I cannot handle all things. I am not the best at everything I do. And most of all I do not need to be the best. I can only do what is within me, and I am learning to be happy with that. Sort of.