Posted by Dewd on December 19, 2009, at 21:02:56
In reply to Re: Longing for Ts kindness, posted by Helana on December 19, 2009, at 9:34:08
Helana hey!! im so happy you replied, it means so much that you would let me know more about your story ( now i feel special)it helps me so much when i talk about something that is breaking my heart its nice to know people care about you, you know?
>>>I was content where we were at and not trying to deal with issues because I felt so wonderful just having her in my life.<<<
it almost feels like you found something that youve always searched for, and you just want to stay in the moment... i know how you feel so much, but it can still be that way you know, you do have something very wonderful with your t, shes your t, shes a person in your life who knows you so well and cares about you in the most meaningful sence because she likes you for you, the real you... i always think about that and love my t even more because her words are like little gems ( i tend to use alot of similes lol i just noticed that ) my t said that even though we cant be friends because she is my t, that doesnt make it any less meaningful and less special, she says that there is no other relationship like this on earth, we can run to our t's knowing that they will be there for us, we dont have to pretend to be anyone but ourselves, and thats okay, you can be yourself completely she knows all the details in your life that you would only tell her , theres a lot of meaning in that and its super special, i think that sometimes calling my t a friend is a total understatement of who she really is to me, shes much more than a best friend cuz even with my best friend i cant tell him all the things i tell my wonderful t u know?? my supervisor put it this way she was like "Dewd" communication is the highest level of intimacy, and you have that with her...
>>>And what hurts is that she wants me to get to a point where I don't need her in my life...and I hate that. Truth be told, I'd rather be less functional and have her in my life than live more functional without her<<<hehehe i know what you mean, i would love to just sit by her and gaze at her image, like all youve ever wanted is right beside you... but it can still be like that... my supervisor said this to me once she was like "Dewd" your t is giving you all you ever wanted all you were deprived of when you were a child, our t's are still very wonderful and special, they can still be very special, but our t's are doing something even greater than that, they are healing us, with the special trust we have with our t's they heal us becasue of how close we are to them that they know the real us and can heal us from the insied out, trust me ive felt like at one point in my therapy i was feeling so much better i was thinking about stoping therapy, not becasue i wouldnt miss her, or i didnt feel close i felt she was even more that a best friend but i felt strong and knew that whatwe have is meaningful not just to me but for her, that she would have my in her heart forever and her forever in mines...our t's really care about us so much
>>>But the reason why I always thought she liked me in a special way was because for the first months and months we talked about me and her...I would ask her questions like we were out for coffee...and she answered ANYTHING I asked her. Then at a specific time when she went on vacation for a month she asked for a book from me to read while she was on vacation. I thought hmmm, i bet you don't do this with every client (that's alot of reading lol).<<<thats so cool, you guys really bonded that is so special
>>>But I see now that I think this whole time she was just being herself and that I read into everything the way I wanted to see it.<<<
My supervisor told me that every patient to her is meaningful and special, Hey Helala how long have you been seeing your t?
>>>and i'd be like wtf do you think it would do for me, helloooooo!! <<<
:) i know how you feel...
>>>I'm sorry<<<
theres no need to be, im touched that your sharing your story with me, ive always liked to be there for others , ( even when im feeling depressed myself hehehe)
>>>I'm still frustrated with it. <<<
Ditto
>>>But it is what it is and I still love her and want to go and we will work through it and it will only make us stronger, <<<
yup!
>>>not together<<<
( i think you guys would be even stronger together becasue your relationship is just that great that it can withstand this, i know that u guys have something very special)>>>m sorry that was really long and probably confusing...<<<
its okay ive got my advils here :) i re re re re read your reply so that i wouldnt miss anything
>>>im sorry that was really long and probably confusing...it's just i'm still upset by this because I really feel in my heart that she crossed bounderies and enjoyed every minute at the time and then realized that she really couldn't do it...for whatever reason, whether it's because I did something that bugged her, or she realized it was unethical or whatever it maybe and she covers it up by not even being willing to talk about and say we've changed...<<<
hey Helana, why doesnt ur t want to talk about the sudden change? ( i dont think youve bugged her, i think that everything she did for you came from her heart, and was meaningful for her and for you too.
I hope i helped alittle bit... i was typing at like 10000 words per minute i hope it all makes sence though!! let me know how it goes with ur t!
poster:Dewd
thread:929583
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929958.html