Posted by Helana on December 19, 2009, at 9:34:08
In reply to Re: Longing for Ts kindness, posted by Dewd on December 18, 2009, at 16:43:15
You should totally show your T the song! I've shown my T so many songs and even burned some cd's of songs that have alot of meaning to them. My T loves getting stuff like that it helps her to understand me and I love giving stuff like that.
It's no surprise to me that you want to be a therapist...and you will make an amazing therapist!
So why I perceive things to be different, in a nutshell is cuz I was too attached to her and it was hindering my progress because I was content where we were at and not trying to deal with issues because I felt so wonderful just having her in my life. And what hurts is that she wants me to get to a point where I don't need her in my life...and I hate that. Truth be told, I'd rather be less functional and have her in my life than live more functional without her.
That's the nutshell version. The other version is that I am attracted to woman and she's known that from day one. I wrote that down on the papers I had to fill out. I wrote that it's something that I'd want to discuss anyway because I'm a married woman and it bothers me. I don't feel like I could ever live like a lesbian but I feel like I am one. So there were ALOT of things that she had done that seemed like just obvious flirtation because I would say it too, that I took it that way and she wouldn't stop. But then at some point things started changing and she started distancing herself and I can't even tell you when because I ignored it at the beginning, I didn't want to believe it. But the reason why I always thought she liked me in a special way was because for the first months and months we talked about me and her...I would ask her questions like we were out for coffee...and she answered ANYTHING I asked her. Then at a specific time when she went on vacation for a month she asked for a book from me to read while she was on vacation. I thought hmmm, i bet you don't do this with every client (that's alot of reading lol). But I see now that I think this whole time she was just being herself and that I read into everything the way I wanted to see it. But what was so frustrating is that I never wanted to assume so I was always asking her what she meant about stuff and she would NEVER just answer me...she is f'n famous for answering my questions with another question and so that was even more confusing. I'd ask something blunt like can I kiss you and she's be like well what would that do for you???? and i'd be like wtf do you think it would do for me, helloooooo!!
I'm sorry. I'm still frustrated with it. But it is what it is and I still love her and want to go and we will work through it and it will only make us stronger, not together, but I mean just all the way around.im sorry that was really long and probably confusing...it's just i'm still upset by this because I really feel in my heart that she crossed bounderies and enjoyed every minute at the time and then realized that she really couldn't do it...for whatever reason, whether it's because I did something that bugged her, or she realized it was unethical or whatever it maybe and she covers it up by not even being willing to talk about and say we've changed...that's it. No matter how much or what I ask it's we've changed and it's for the better...even tho it doesn't feel better to me.
poster:Helana
thread:929583
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/929909.html