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Re: I'm a therapy weakling

Posted by muffled on August 20, 2007, at 22:50:17

In reply to I'm a therapy weakling, posted by DAisym on August 20, 2007, at 21:58:08

The loss.
i have wondered that too.
Maybe its finally giving up the dream that one day someone will save you?
That you can't be 'saved', but that in fact, we have to take care of our own miserable selves.
Maybe its losing the child that makes me sad. We used to hate her, but have come to realize she got good points too.
And there's fear, fear of NOT being sick anymore, cuz its all we know....the fearful child has been so strong in our to overcome that?
I dunno Daisy, these are things I say to myself.
My T used to push me just a bit, then I'd dissociate, and she'd back right off. I kinda wish she wouldn't have. Mebbe I'da found out something. Maybe not.
I dunno.
I just know that when I realized that it was up to me to comfort this child within me, well, for one I didn't want to, cuz I hated her, and for another, I was resentful to, and for another...I wanted t to do it, and for me to maybe feel the (caring?) thru the child, cuz I (for unknown reasons) am not allowed.
I want to feel the peace and safe feeling a child feels when it is young and safe and being held by a loving parent. If its *I* that must supply it to my child...well...its just not the same, cuz then *I* won't get a chance to feel it, cuz Iam giving it to the child, but not to myself. I want to GET 'it', not just give 'it'.
Sort of like that well of 'need'. I think it relates to that.
A T's job, is to work themself out of a job...mebbe in some way you feel rejected by him pushing you to heal?
Maybe your child feels rejected by him saying he can;t comfort her, but that adult daisy must do this...
Dunno if that makes sense.
Anyhow, when I read your post, i kinda understood, cuz I could feel it in my chest, and I don't usu feel that much, so I have wondered the same.
Take care,




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