Posted by wishingstar on January 3, 2007, at 10:16:18
In reply to Re: falling apart » wishingstar, posted by muffled on January 2, 2007, at 23:09:15
>
> :( My T used an analogy once, that I have a bunch of coats on to keep me safe, and in T, I take some coats off now and again, but then i freak, and put them all back on again...
> I dunno, I know I have had that sort of feeling with my T.
> Separating myself from her.
> To the point where I could think to myself that I truly wouldn't care if I never saw her again, if fact she is kind of annoying, and I don't even like her...etc
> But I want to be well...and so i go back...
>****Sorry to misunderstand what you were saying about the connection.. sounds like we're talking about the same thing. Not fun. I like her coat analogy. Only I never take any off. And sometimes I even bring extras to share with the other therapists wandering around (they recognize me, it a small center) and even Ginny! Have to be friendly, right? :) Can you tell me why you think you keep going back? Even when you feel like you dont care either way, dont like her, etc? I just ask because I'm feeling the same way, and maybe knowing why you do will help me to be able to as well.
>
> **Wrong for what reason?
> But I like the part where you can't back out of it!!!!
> Man, I have done that sort of thing a few times, and there's times my T has utterly missed the whole point entirely! So don't expect miracles....****** As for why it's wrong... I still dont really know. You'd have to ask Anne. It didnt feel wrong and I wasnt trying to be manipulative or anything, but she told me I was wanting her to do all the work. These wernt notes that were mean to her, telling her she HAD to do anything.. just notes about how desperate I was feeling. Laurie used to say she was proud of me and happy I gave her notes like that. But I'm afraid to do it. They never were miracles with Laurie, you're right. But it always at least introduced the topic and made it easier to talk about.
> Does your t have a secure fax or e-mail?
****Not that I know of. Truthfully, I'm too scared to ask. Because then it's like I'm saying "there is a lot I want to say" and even that is scary for me. That's how deep this goes. Hah!
> >
>
> **Shes given you every reason to trust her........
> But for people like us....its NOT ENOUGH. No way is it enough. For me, thats where the testing helped alot. I think testing can take the form of you thinking of a very pointed question to ask your T, and seeing if she is honest with you about it. I think I asked my T on the phone if I was a pain in the *ss. It was hard to say, but I blurted it. She didn't say no! LOL!!!! She said I could be a challenge....hmmmm. I squeezed her on that one some!LOL! Actually it was hard and hurtful at the time, but by working thru it, there was some trust built.
> And one time I did actually make her mad (not that she will EVER admit it), and it was scarey, but we worked that out mostly too, and more trust was built.
> And I called her a DB in a fax and she called it manipulative(she may have been somewhat peeved bout that one too!). And there was hurt feelings, and fear. But she still didn't dump me. We worked thru it. And more trust was built....
> So I guess the thing is, that for me, it all very well and good for a T to talk the talk, but she got to WALK the WALK, before I can trust at all. AND I got to see it thru my OWN eyes as it were. No second hand stuff.
> >
*****What you wrote about testing really made me think. I'm not much of a "tester" myself and I really do believe she'd be honest with me if I asked her a hard quesiton. When she talked to Anne on the phone, she told me exactly what Anne said.. who knows if she left things out, but she did tell me a lot of thnigs that were hard to hear because she knew I wanted to know. But I do think things need to be shaken up a bit.Maybe I will write that book! Only $19.95 hardcover. Do you think Dr Bob will post a link to it up with the other books? Haha just kidding... I do get your humor. It does help to be able to laugh about these things with people who get it.
Thanks again for all your thoughts. I havent called her yet but I am thinking about it still.
poster:wishingstar
thread:718579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/718862.html