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Re: I told him and I'm sorry. Triggery I guess -sexual gardenergirl

Posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 10:06:15

In reply to Re: I told him and I'm sorry. Triggery I guess -sexual Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on April 17, 2005, at 2:55:41

It was seriously bad timing on my part to mention something I never meant to mention at all on a day when both of us had had a truly crummy week and I had intended to keep it light.

He was probably more likely than usual to react from himself rather than being fully present in the room.

No excuse.

I don't think he suspects anything sexual in my relationship with my father. There was a definite blurring of the roles of wife and daughter, but not in a sexual sense. Never in a sexual sense. Just in that weird triangular way. You know. When I was little, I was aligned with my mother against my father. When I got older, I aligned with my father against my mother. They were incapable of aligning together and I guess the triangle brought some stability.

But it was never sexual. There was more sexuality between my mother and me. Not in that she abused me, but in that she confided inappropriately in me. Shudder, shudder. In fact we've sort of figured that my intense revulsion and refusal to begin to grow into a "woman" probably has its roots there.

But never with Daddy. He was safe.

 

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