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Re: I told him and I'm sorry. Triggery I guess -sexual

Posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 10:49:49

In reply to Re: I told him and I'm sorry. Triggery I guess -sexual » Dinah, posted by Tamar on April 18, 2005, at 11:22:59

> Yeah but see, that’s what I can’t understand about his reaction. If he thought you were experiencing any kind of erotic transference, surely he should see it as an interesting development and something to be explored therapeutically.

I don't think he was thinking at all.

> Why should he feel in any way threatened? Surely he knows you well enough to understand immediately that you’re not going to try to do anything inappropriate.
If he doesn't by now, we don't have as good a therapeutic relationship as I had supposed.

> I find it very difficult to imagine you as ‘plain to the point of ugly’. Are you underrating yourself? Being overweight doesn’t actually make women unattractive to men. If you are no threat to him, perhaps it’s because of your maternal transference and your moral outlook rather than because of your appearance, I’m guessing.
Well, I am. But that's not really important. The only part that really distresses me is that I look like my mother. Other than that, I'm not sure I dislike it.

> It sounds to me as if the two aspects of the issue have become intertwined and that’s what’s getting you feeling icked out. Perhaps he’s attributed a sexual component to your feelings and doesn’t entirely believe you when you say it’s not there, while, at the same time, he recognises you feel a desire to take care of him and needs to tell you that his feelings aren’t your responsibility.

I think that's definitely true. I'm having trouble sorting one out from the other, and maybe he is too.
> Also, do you think it’s possible that you might be reacting to the sexual inference partly because you feel hurt by his rejection of your (nonsexual) desire to care for him?
Absolutely. I told him at the time, in a very calm and noncritical way, but more as a reflection, that it hurt to have my care rejected.

> Either way, I think he could have handled it better.
Undoubtedly. I just hope it doesn't have lasting repercussions.




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