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Re: I told him and I'm sorry. Triggery I guess -sexual cricket

Posted by Dinah on April 18, 2005, at 10:17:42

In reply to Re: I told him and I'm sorry. Triggery I guess -sexual, posted by cricket on April 18, 2005, at 7:51:06

Your reaction to your therapist sounds a lot like mine for the first five years of my therapy. I'd love to talk to you more about it.

I'm growing a bit convinced that it wasn't so much that he saw me as attempting to sexually attack him that distresses me exactly. Because the idea is so frankly ludicrous that I assume he'll think about it and realize that. It's more that it means that he is "seeing" me as a w... No I can't say that. As a sexual being. He's not supposed to do that. It's wrong. It reminds me of the time when I got close to hitting puberty and Daddy made me quit sitting on his lap to watch TV. My therapist thinks that was a terrific fatherly thing for him to have done. But I'm left with the dirty feeling that it meant that for whatever brief moment of time, Daddy noticed me as something other than his little girl, and that still makes me feel gross.

I hope this time I'm able to stop feeling gross about it, rather than have it still lingering thirty or so years later.




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