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Re: I told him and I'm sorry. Triggery I guess -sexual fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on April 16, 2005, at 19:31:45

In reply to Re: I told him and I'm sorry. Triggery I guess -sexual Dinah, posted by fallsfall on April 16, 2005, at 19:18:00

The sexual stuff came entirely from him. It came as a complete shock to me. Of all the bad ways I expected him to take it, and I did expect him to take it badly, it never occurred to me that he'd take it sexually. I expected him to take it as a hint that he'd been too open lately about his own problems and to decide to be more of a blank slate, and I really didn't want that. I still don't, since I think it will just lead to more distress to be able to pick up on a feeling and have to speculate as to the cause.

I'm not sure that my need to take care of him is really a need to take care of him per se. It never came about until my father died. I think I have a need to be a nurturing daughter to an adequate father figure. He was always a mother figure to me until now.

I did take the emotional temperature of the room all along, but that's a hard won survival skill and has to do with taking care of me, not him.

It was his voice, Falls. It was horrible.

The whole experience reminded me of the time he was having a resurgence of his problems with dependent women, and he mis-took everything I said in a way that reflected that. And he didn't get better till he admitted the problem to me and pulled himself together, countertransference wise.

I must be tapping into some well of fear of sexually predatory women, or g*d only knows what old pathology of his, that I've never accidentally tapped into before. But he didn't need to countertransfer all over me!!!




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