Posted by DaisyM on February 17, 2004, at 23:50:30
In reply to Re: Our little girls2 Daisy et al, posted by antigua on February 17, 2004, at 17:22:52
I told him on the phone today that I was worried that I had freaked him out by how intense the needs expressed yesterday were. That even though I can recognize that I might have a huge need to be taken care of, I didn't expect him to do that for me. I knew that what was expressed was impossible. I have very realistic expectation of him and of therapy. He said, "I hear the adult is back in charge."
He told me that he expected my call because he thought he had hurt my feelings by being quiet at the end of our session. I said no, no hurt feelings. Just thought it was too much for him to handle. He said he was quiet because it did feel really huge and he was thinking that it would be inevitable that at some point he would disappoint me and he wondered how it felt to hear that. I said I knew that, that noone was perfect and I didn't mean to make him feel bad. Expecting perfection is a huge burden to put on someone. And that ultimately working through this was up to me anyway. He said it made him sad to hear me say that.
He said he thought we had really gone somewhere deep, and he didn't want me to suddenly go back into hiding. That we needed to keep talking about this, and how we both felt about it.
So I'm glad I called to clarify my expectations vs. my fantasy. But I don't think I can help but withdraw some. It does actually feel better tonight to have the adult back in control. She has been missing for awhile. I guess the pearls worked...
poster:DaisyM
thread:314418
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040211/msgs/314966.html