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Re: Inner children

Posted by DaisyM on February 18, 2004, at 12:06:44

In reply to Re: Inner children DaisyM, posted by Dinah on February 18, 2004, at 10:07:23

>>Doesn't that make the caring part of me at fault?

<<Only if you really believe that you can control the actions of other people and your response to those actions as a child. I think we learn to be afraid but as humans we are born with the ability to care and the need to be cared for. It is like breathing, we can breathe dirty air but we must breathe. The theory of "good enough parenting" makes me think that if we got even a minimum of caring from our parents, the caring gene grew in us. But because it grew, it was a larger target for trauma. And because it was so confusing, we didn't learn how to really protect our feelings. For me, I hide my feelings. Other people turn them off completely. Other people allow their feelings to simply leak out all over everyone. Managing feelings in these ways is not optimal by any means.

My husband and I sometimes have really cruel fights. When we've talked about it, he says that sometimes his frustration with "reaching me" gets out of hand and he is looking for a reaction, any reaction. I keep those feelings buried really deeply. So maybe I can't be hurt the same way, but I can be hurt. And deep inside I'm just fragile enough that I can't take too many more hurts.

Which is why I have such a tough and together outer shell. No one looks too close, I don't want anyone taking care of me. Yet, I desperately do.

 

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