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Re: (Long) He's not suppose to ask leading questions Karen_kay

Posted by fallsfall on January 6, 2004, at 8:19:47

In reply to Re: (Long) He's not suppose to ask leading questions fallsfall, posted by Karen_kay on January 5, 2004, at 23:46:59

OK. I understand the losing control and yelling and screaming. I would just collapse in a puddle, but I can see how you would yell and scream. And I can see how losing control like that would be scary.

Can you tell him that you want to tell him to stop when he's talking about your father, but that you're afraid of yelling and screaming. You can talk about losing control for a while and what that means (that will waste some time). So you want to tell him to stop BEFORE he starts talking about your father. That you are not trying to avoid talking about your father - that you are taking a conscious step to set a limit and tell him to stop. But that for today, you have to do that before he starts. Maybe on another day you can tell him after he starts talking about your dad. If you tell him WHY you don't want to talk about him - BECAUSE you are setting a limit and taking control, it might work.

Or when he says "Have you thought about your father?" you can say "STOP" then, before it gets any farther? Or maybe that is for a couple of weeks from now.

I understand the terror. Believe me. Facing the transference and breaking through it was SOOOOOOOO hard to do. It was incredibly painful and absolutely terrifying. But, you know what? I did it and I came out the other end. And I'm proud of myself. And it makes therapy easier because I'm not so terrified that he's mad at me all the time. And I can ask when I need reassurance - and he's so sweet about giving me reassurance.

It is SOOOOOOOO hard. But... isn't the way you are living SOOOOOOOO hard? It's like taking off a bandaid - you can do it S_L_O_W_L_Y or you can do it FAST, but you HAVE to do it. And you will be so relieved when it is done.

it is a little hard to type with my fingers crosses (and yes, they are crossed right now) - so go for it!!!!!!





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