Posted by Karen_kay on January 6, 2004, at 18:55:05
In reply to Re: Neurontin, Take me away! » Karen_kay, posted by antigua on January 6, 2004, at 17:26:48
Wow! It seems we are in the same situation, except you are way past me :( My father died of cancer and he died when I tried to move him. And I still feel guilty that it is my fault that he died. I know logically that it isn't but still, you know?? So, when I started therapy the ONLY thing positive I had from my childhood was memories of my father. Then I started to remember small things that happened, which led to nightmares and flashbacks. And I'm still trying to convince myself that it isn't real, that these things didn't happen. That the nightmares and flashbacks are just symptoms from medication or dpepression, except I'm finally not depressed. So, I know logically that it is true. It does add up. I just don't want to believe it. I want my mother to be the bad guy, not my father. Never mind that the same thing happened to my sister as well. And my other sister is suffering from severe memory loss too. I'll just ignore that because I LOVE my daddy!
And I could never tell my mother, NEVER!! When my sister told her, she got kicked out of the house. Noone believed her, and she was a child. I believed her, though at the time, I wasn't aware of anything going on with me. But, I always believed her. And I wish I could talk to my other sister, to help her but she would deny it. The thing is, I was daddy's favorite. It's just strange the way things work. And it makes me feel even worse because I just don't feel like I KNOW for SURE, you know???? Like I need to SEE it to be absolutely POSITIVE. Maybe I wouldn't want to see it. That would just be too much. I just don't trust my memory and I don't trust myself. Maybe I just don't want too!
Thank you for sharing your story. I do so appeciate it, honestly! It helps to know that someone else has a story similar to mine. Please keep posting, PLEASE!!! :)
poster:Karen_kay
thread:294726
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040102/msgs/297336.html