Posted by LOVEUMIKO on November 20, 2003, at 21:19:21
In reply to Re: Multi diagnosed wife. Help dont want to divorce. » LOVEUMIKO, posted by judy1 on November 20, 2003, at 9:42:37
Thank you all for your responses and support.
Today, I have received an "anonymous" letter from a supposed co-worker asking to try & work things out. I think this letter is a little cry for help. Its too bad she can't come right out and speak to me. I'd love to resolve this if there is some way. If it were signed "JC" I would have felt it was the sign I asked God for to let me know its safe to stay with her, as I spoke to an attorney today. He could see the depression on my face and realized it wasn't something I really wanted to do either.
I've been given some candid professional advice. From a un biased therapist: This will happen again if I go back. I will actually help her by leaving as this may make her realize she needs help. If anything, like everyone says I have to take care of myself, preserve my career so that I can provide for my children...no matter where this ends up.
It hurts like hell to do this. I'm afraid my rational side is winning. I do feel guilty like I'm being selfish by leaving her. I only wish she actually knew how much I really do love her. The thing is I think she does know, and counts on me to shrug this off.
I don't see ANY safety net that'll work. She knows how to disable it quick...get a restraining order forbidding me to contact her in anyway. Yes, even through a 3rd party so I can't have anyone try to talk to her.
We had a wonderful life ahead of us. Like a phoenix rising through the ashes, we had a plan to move to AZ and make a better life out of the tragic first incident. It seems like she self sabotaged the plan to move. It was a done deal. I just came back from an interview and made it. Not now...this has snuffed that and most likely any chance of a transfer as long as we are together. Its a liability issue with my career. It'd be simple if I were a dock worker or something. I doubt she'd even lash out in the manner she does. But then again, if she had her way when she attacks I'd be in jail.
She has told me of past relationships that were "horror shows" and placed complaints on them to. I don't know if those are true stories now, or if they are effecting what is happening currently.
I wish I could just wake up and this be a bad dream. Forgive me, I don't want a divorce, I love you...but, I'll miss you. It just doesn't make sense (crying)
poster:LOVEUMIKO
thread:281413
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031114/msgs/281901.html