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Re: Multi diagnosed wife. Help dont want to divorce. LOVEUMIKO

Posted by LynneDa on November 20, 2003, at 15:28:47

In reply to Re: Multi diagnosed wife. Help dont want to divorce., posted by LOVEUMIKO on November 20, 2003, at 0:24:27

Hi! I've been reading your posts and really feel for you. You have a lot to work out and it is complex. I left my husband when his mental illness was too much for me to bear. We were in counseling off & on, together and indidually, for years. I was very co-dependent, thinking I could fix him, take care of him, keep to my vows, etc. But it was hurting me too much, I was becoming dysfunctional and, like you, I was the breadwinner and had to keep my job.

I felt guilty divorcing him - like you said, if it was cancer you wouldn't leave. But I had to for my own health. I am just now (6 years later) starting to deal with the damage and depression being with him caused to my own mental health.

Please take care of yourself. Her care is out of your hands. Is there anyone who can get through to her?

Keep a journal or write her letters (& don't send them for now). If she ever gets to a point where she is stable, she may want to read them to know how you viewed her behaviors and how you felt, what you did about it, etc. It may also help your kids when they are adults to understand what happened, especially if they encounter similar illnesses in themselves. (I pray they won't!)

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It is truly unfair. Take care of YOU! I wish you peace and the beginning of healing!
~ Lynne




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